From the guest bedroom...

Love for my city

2011-12-20T13:33:00.000-05:00

Let's get something out of the way right now - this blog has been pathetic lately, I know. I'm sorry. Moving on...

I just returned from the Strip district after driving around for 45 minutes looking for a parking space before I called it quits. I had many thoughts during the time I was driving - Do I trust myself to parallel park if I find a spot? Where did all these people come from? Is that guy going to open his car door and hit me? Is Lawrenceville too far to walk from? ....But one I had when I finally decided to leave was - Well done, Pittsburgh. I'm glad to see thousands of people out, dropping bank, in the Strip district (which is mostly locally-owned shops) no less. I've noticed I've been cheering on Pittsburgh in a lot of things lately - seeing God's hand moving in it, selling out home games when other cities struggle to do so, the rebuilding of the Northside, and the various movie filmings here with this being the most profound:

I've always been attracted to Pittsburgh. We first met when I was young and I would visit family. I remember leaving Mt. Lebanon at night and coming back through the Fort Pitt tunnel to have my breath taken away by the beautiful city on my way home. One summer when I was young, I stayed with family and I spent a week in Pittsburgh. It was one of the best weeks of my life. But it was kind of an on-again-off-again relationship until Mike and I decided to move back here after getting married. Pittsburgh and I had a fresh start. I fell in love - exploring and getting to know Pittsburgh in a different way than I ever had before. It was there everyday - the beautiful, the shiny, the rundown, the historic, the traffic. I knew things were getting serious when about a year and a half ago I was approached by cult members in Oakland, pushing propaganda. After talking with them, I had the thought - heck no, not in my city. This possessive and protective nature surprised me. It was then that I realized how deep I was in. We bought our house around the same time and have settled into a potential long-term relationship with Pittsburgh. I don't know where it will lead in the future, but even if we have to part ways, Pittsburgh will always have a part of my heart.

Excited!

2011-10-18T11:05:00.002-04:00

I have something I'm excited, yet very nervous to share, but here it is. I've made a separate blog dedicated only to cakes/pastries I've done. This is just a quick place for photos before I actually have a business, yes, a legit business, going and a website. Anyhow, there are some new cakes on there that haven't been seen here, so head over and enjoy!

The hardest place to look

2011-10-04T10:33:00.001-04:00

I think it's easy to for me to look to today, the right now, what I have to get done today and prepare for tomorrow. It's easy for me to look to the future, how what I'm doing now prepares us for this month, the next coming season, the next year, the rest of our lives. It's easy for me to look to the past, the things I've screwed up, what I've done well and how to learn from that.

The hardest place for me to look -- eternity. I was hit with this truth when reading 1 Cor 9:24-27 this morning.

1 Cor 9:24-27 -
²⁴ Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. ²⁵ Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. ²⁶ Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. ²⁷ No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

I struggle against training for a crown that will not last. So often, I pour myself into the temporary without any sight of the eternal, yet I do desire the crown that will last forever. I know that this can only be accomplished by looking to, investing in, and believing that the One who is eternal is true. I struggle against the BIG LIE that God is not who He says He is, that He isn't love. But I am such a fool to ever believe that. I have undeserving witnessed in my own life over and over that He is who He says He is - LOVE. I can't look to eternity without looking to the one who wrote eternity and believing that He is trustworthy and moves out of love for me. I want Paul's perspective in this life:

1 Philippians 4:12-13
¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

What kind of dog is she? A Pitbull?...

2011-09-26T11:24:00.008-04:00

I have always been a dog lover. I always wanted a dog when I was growing up. When I got to "adopt" Jackie during my senior year at JC, I quickly realized that 8 year old Mike was right in wanting a dog, because they are a ton of fun, they love unconditionally and are adorable. When Jackie died a little over a year ago, it rocked our world. Over time and prayer, we entered into a new phase of our marriage of not having a dog. It was actually nice to not have the extra responsibility and to not have to be home right after work to let the dog out, but eventually, the time came where we were both ready for a new dog.

I thought that it would be cool to get a bigger dog this time around. A boxer, perhaps, would be the next dog in the Tolino household...But then I saw how beautiful the American Staffordshire Terrier was on the National Dog Show on Thanksgiving and I was smitten. I started to do some research on the breed and really felt like it was the dog for us.

I started at Hello Bully and found out a lot of the stereotypes about Pitbulls were just not true. It really made me feel for these loving dogs. We thought about adopting a younger Pit, but the experiences we had made us a little nervous. After months of debating and talking to people about the breed, we decided we wanted to a puppy. That way, we would be able to control how the dog was raised, love it and train it the right way.

Long story short, we found an awesome couple in Ohio who bred their two family pits together and we fell in love with Macie.

Reasons why we chose a Pitbull:

-They are loving, loyal dogs

-They are beautiful, athletic dogs

-They are smart and want to please us

-We like their size (medium height and weight, muscular)

-We wanted to show people that Pitbulls aren't dangerous, mean dogs

The list could go on and on, but the reality of it is that dogs are dogs.

They will treat people how they have been treated.

A small dog can be much worse than a large dog. We don't discriminate.

We love Macie and want her to be a blessing to others.

I hope you get to meet her some day.

Here are some pics of our little sweetheart!

Besides being cute, she's super smart and loves affection. Next time you see a pitty walking by,

don't judge it without knowing it. Good advice for people too!

Relevancy

2011-09-13T10:18:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, at church, the worship leader gave an introduction to a hymn about the woman who wrote it and the inconceivably hard times in her life. As we began to sing the song, the words resounded in my heart and I was flooded with peace of His supremacy. Nothing is ever more relevant than Him. He has woven eternity and the desire for Him through the hearts of all throughout history, so that a hymn written long ago by a woman who experienced far worse in her life than I have, can be totally relevant to my heart today. It really is an incredible miracle, that the Bible, written so long ago, from men's hands that couldn't even fathom what the world is like today, is totally relevant to my heart, right now, in the land of iphones and skyscrapers. It's of course, no mystery why this is. Time and history is irrelevant to our need for God, our desire for truth and love and relationship and wholeness in Him. He is the most relevant, needed, essential, vital component of this world. His incredible depth and mystery never ceases to amaze me. My need for him will never cease.

Ever Faithful

2011-08-25T13:45:00.000-04:00

Meet Macie Grey. Puppy extraordinaire. More on why we got a pitbull later...for now, me:

So much has changed this past month, I feel like I'm still playing catch-up. My heart has been rocked and I am given the foreign task of having time to pick through the places of my heart I have easily walled off during busier times.

It's been difficult to discern what is actually going on in that tumultuous place in my chest. More and more I am being challenged, asked, invited if I want to be in that place of complete surrender, complete commitment to what He has for me. Or do I want to pursue what has been invested in me to pursue - comfort and security. It's not like pursuing it ensures it even. Anything can and has come and blindsided my security, my comfort.

Now my life is different. Yet, I'm so humbly blessed. I feel so incredibly loved by all of you - yes, you. For not loving me conditionally. For not putting my worth on what I produce, but who I am. I appreciate that. I, somewhat illogically, expected your disappointment and disowning me. So, if I haven't told you yet, thanks.

If I have learned only two things this past month, it is this: He cares about my completeness, not my comfort. And He is ever faithful to me.

New.

2011-08-15T14:04:00.002-04:00

Things are rapidly changing around here.

This adorable addition to our family being one of them:

More puppy love to come, as well as the final decision on her name.

Why I...

2011-06-23T11:27:00.000-04:00

quit P90X after 5 days in 4 points:

1. The workouts are l....o....n....g (1hr+) and b.o.r.i.n.g.

2. I didn't feel like I got a workout at the end of them - just sore

3. I feel like it's a dude workout - you write down the weight you use, your reps and try to increase - last time I did weight training like that in college I put on 5 lbs of muscle and didn't like it

4. I'm sure a small part of it is that I'm lazy, but mostly I'm sticking to the fact that they weren't full-on aerobic work-outs.

Shoulders:

2011-06-14T11:46:00.000-04:00

burning. Back: ache. Arms: weak. Abs: sore.

P90X. Day 1: finished. 89 more to go.

Maybe it will help negate the effects of all the whipped cream, mint chocolate chip ice cream, brownies, bread, blueberry ice cream, peach and raspberry tart and banana bread. Maybe.

Mainely Maine

2011-06-09T22:19:00.000-04:00

I could talk about how I haven't been around this blog for a while, or I could just tell you about Maine. I'm going to do the latter.

We got up early and went to Maine, where we woke up early on the daily.

However, the view out of the lab was far superior to the view out of the lab in Pittsburgh.

And our view from our cottage wasn't half bad either.

There were skates there, but you don't want to know what happened to them.

There were quite a few beautiful views.

Some of which we had to hike up hot rocks to see.

The sunset views from the lab were amazing.

The last day, we went sea kayaking.

We saw a seal (it's head popped up about 20 yds from us), a couple of bald eagles and some crazy birds. It was a blast until I got sea sick towards the end.

Afterward, we ate the best lobster I've ever had and too many s'mores to admit. Also, have you ever flown into Boston Logan airport on a clear day? It is gorgeous. Truly beautiful.

More to come on life soon.

Oh, and fun fact: Did you know that the rubber bands on lobster claws are not to protect us, but rather to protect the lobsters from eating each other? Now you know.

Dos Anos

2011-05-24T10:33:00.000-04:00

[photo courtesy of Anthony Barlich]

It's been two years since we were wed. I can't believe it. It's been so much better than I thought it could be. The crazy thing is, though dating you and our wedding day was incredible, life with you is even better now. I feel like I'm just starting to get what it means to love [a verb] you. I know you so much more now than I did then and I love you that much more. I'm looking forward to loving you for the rest of my life. To as many years as we have together here...

The Beautiful Good News

2011-04-29T11:28:00.001-04:00

I loved this beautiful precise presentation of the Good News, and thought you would too.

It's all so good, but one of the lines that got me was "trying to prove God is like defending a lion... homie, He don't need your help, just unlock the cage".

When Love = Death

2011-04-22T20:29:00.000-04:00

I've been reading through the Gospels lately and have been focusing on the Passion. I have heard/read these accounts since I was young, in church and on my own. There have been many things that I've learned while reading them for myself, talking about them with others, listening to sermons, etc. I really wanted to learn Truth from my time digesting them the past few weeks.

Last night, while I was reading Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love, I was challenged with something he wrote. Chan refers to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (which if you've never heard this verse before, you haven't been to enough weddings) and invites us to replace the word "love" with our name. I will do this below (replacing "love" with "Mike", so you get the picture)

Mike is patient, Mike is kind. Mike does not envy, Mike does not boast, Mike is not proud. ⁵ Mike does not dishonor others, Mike is not self-seeking, Mike is not easily angered, Mike keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Mike does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Mike always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (NIV with my changes to make a point only)

The reason for doing this was to show us how we are supposed to be. If I have given my life to Christ, and consider myself a follower of Christ, I am supposed to be like Christ. Jesus embodies LOVE. If I am supposed to be like Christ, I am supposed to be LOVE. Love to a world that doesn't know what it truly is. I should be all of these things that I have listed above. The problem is, too often, I'm not. I can give you a million examples of how I'm not patient, how I can not be very kind, how I am envious, how I can brag and be proud and self-seeking, quick to be angry and the list goes on. To put it bluntly, I suck. I think Paul had it wrong when he said he was the worst sinner of all, because I most certainly can take the cake on that one.

So what does this have to do with anything? I was both disgusted with myself when I read that last night, yet also full of hope. Today is Good Friday. It's a day that brings so many feelings. To Christians, it can be a sad, but joyful day. To the world who has no idea of it's real significance, it seems silly that we would celebrate His gruesome death on a cross. Yes, I was disgusted with my failed attempts to be more like Christ everyday, but I had hope. Sorry if I am spoiling the ending, but Jesus didn't remain dead. He defeated death, rose again, lives today and freed me from my sin. I may falter and put my trust in myself, struggle with pride, be horribly impatient sometimes, but I am not bound by those things. My slate is wiped clean in God's eyes because of what Jesus did on Good Friday. That is why Christians today rejoice, even when what happened was a brutal, terrible thing.

I know that God is LOVE. I am supposed to LOVE others. "For God so LOVED the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." -John 3:16 God LOVES the world; every single person, regardless of if they choose to acknowledge Him or not. God LOVES you! That is what He has taught me during this past Lenten season. It's about LOVE. He did this for us because He LOVES us. How can we say we are followers of Christ if we are not all about LOVE?

Please forgive me if I have not shown you Christ's love. I sincerely apologize if I have given you a poor representation of who Jesus is. I want you to know that God loves you and I do too, regardless of your opinion on Him or myself.

Creativity: the love and hate of it

2011-04-21T10:27:00.001-04:00

a bent metal coat hanger

Inspired by this one.

I really love creating stuff. I love taking materials and making something useful or beautiful out of it. I love mixing raw ingredients and seeing them transform into things that look nice, that are edible and sometimes semi-nutritional. I love experimenting and making something original.

You love to create too. I mean, at least, I think you do. Maybe it's spreadsheets, maybe it's a building, or plays for a team, or storefronts, or paintings, or surgeries, or web designs, or...

And we need to feel like our creativity is needed. At least I do. I absolutely hate making cakes just to make them. Yeah, I know it's practice and I know it helps me improve. But I hate when what I produce isn't needed, isn't desired.

I also hate when I perceive that people think I'm creating to one-up them, to compete, or to gain attention. If anything, I would like to offer up the stuff I create anonymously, for others' enjoyment and to bring God glory.

We were all made to create. I want to stop believing Satan's lies about my shortfalls when I see someone create something awesome, and instead give God the glory for blessing them with that talent and creativity. I want to stop being afraid of being creative or doing something creative because I fear that people will think I'm trying to gain attention. How does it glorify Him to keep your self locked inside?

Praise be to the Ultimate Creator for His incredible creativity in us:

So God created mankind in his own image,
   in the image of God he created them;
   male and female he created them.
//Genesis 1:27

For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.

//Psalm 139:13-14

Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme...

2011-04-13T12:15:00.000-04:00

This past weekend we went on a trip to Lake Placid with these beautiful friends:

Arlowe captured our hearts from hello. He was a sleepy snuggle buddy during the long car rides.

We had a fantastic time with Jeff, Melissa, Bjorn and Benton - driving, eating, touring Lake Saranac Young Life camp, eating, and crashing.

And though most of my time during the weekend consisted of these views...

...which were beautiful, the highlight was definitely bobsledding.

Totally psyched up to bobsled...

We knew it was for real when you had to sign your life away.

Sadfully, our take-off video would not upload, but Bjorn and Benton's did!

Though you get off to a slow start, it picks up speed so fast. My shoulders were sore the next day from hitting the sides of the sled in the curves. It was incredible. So much better than I anticipated.

Our time of 48.23 secs for 1/2 mile.

It was such a great time spent with people that we love.

Go bobsledding. You'll like it. Promise. Unless you don't like fun, then you'll hate it.

p.s. Here are the insanely high ski jump towers.

How much would you need to be paid to go down them?

who wants to fight?

2011-04-08T10:25:00.003-04:00

There has been a lot of talk lately about modern day slavery. Adrian Peterson accused the NFL of treating its players like "modern day slaves" and then Rashard Mendenhall agreed with him. I won't go into how ridiculous that idea is. I don't see them being forced to make millions of dollars by playing a game that they love, so let's dial this one up to sensationalism.

There is, however, a REAL problem going on in America today that actually IS slavery! Last night, I had the privilege to go to a concert by a great man, PW Gopal, which was sponsored by my friends at 3 Day Respawn (go check them both out!). PW, by the way, is one of the most talented people I have ever seen. During the concert, PW poured out his heart about a problem that is huge (in the US and worldwide), terrifying and that doesn't get much PR. I found this statistic from PW's website, "There are somewhere between two hundred and three hundred thousand (200,000 - 300,000) women and children being trafficked in the US." That upsets me. Something needs to be done. People need to be set free. I want to set people free.

A long while back, Lindsey wrote a post on the movie Taken. It was the second time I had been exposed to the world of human trafficking (the first being in a gender and conflict class in college...woof, what a class).
There is something about that movie that has stuck with both of us since we've watched and re-watched it. Lindsey was moved by the story and how she saw God's love for us in how the story plays out. We were both horrified by the underground world of human trafficking, but we didn't really understand the urgency and how close it was to us here. Now that we know how prevalent it is, we can't sit back and let others do the work. I'm reminded of the first time I attended ACAC and the one thing that sticks out to me still was when Pastor Rock said "what would the church look like if everyone was like you?" (paraphrasing) If we all think that someone else will take care of a problem, that problem will never get fixed. I don't want to think like that anymore. I want to go out and DO the things that need to be done. I want to spread the Gospel to the world. I want to help set people FREE from slavery to another person and from their own sin.

I'm serious. We're serious. If you want to learn more with Lindsey and I, let me know. This isn't going to go away if we ignore it. We're going to find out how to fight it. How can we not?

Trying not to quench it

2011-03-31T14:27:00.000-04:00

Lately I've felt like such a screw up. I feel like I've been missing opportunities, making everything about me, just generally, spiritually, screwing up.

Thank God that He uses screw ups. Peter got a lot of stuff wrong (Matt 16:23, yikes). Yet Christ said this to him: "And I tell you that you are Peter,and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it." (Matt 16:18)

I am so abundantly thankful that He can use me, despite what my flesh desires. I am so thankful that He can work in me, sanctify me and love me into a place I couldn't be without Him. All praise be to Him.

I've loved this song for a long time and it's what I'm feeling today...
"Sometimes I fall I slip
My heartfelt desire be more like you
Tryin' not to quench your fire with the things I do...
I'm callin' on the Savior to be all that I need
Please forgive me my behavior had me lost at light speed"

If you haven't noticed, I've been lovin' me some Holy Hip Hop lately.

Baby love

2011-03-22T16:06:00.001-04:00

my man, speaking truth

2011-03-18T16:08:00.000-04:00

gchat:
me: that makes me feel worse kind of

everyone is doing it

Michael: no no, not everyone...

they have a business

there are other restaurants and other ministries and other everything, doesn't mean you shouldn't do it

or that you won't bring something totally original to it

I struggle with feeling like what I'm passionate about is needed. It seems like everything is already being done. Yet, for whatever reason, God, in His infinite grace and mercy made me and you unique and original creations to bring a needed and original perspective, talent and presence to this world. We are needed. At this place in time, God decided He wants you here. For a reason.

Which blows my mind.

Also, don't expect to be getting many more excerpts of our gchats - privacy people!

help

2011-03-16T15:10:00.000-04:00

"Just because you accept help from someone, doesn't mean you have failed. It just means you're not in it alone."
-from Life as We Know It

best line of the movie, hands down.

I struggle with being vulnerable, admitting I can't do it by myself and asking for help, constantly -- with God, and others. Truth is, I wasn't made to be doing any of it alone. Neither were you actually. So this is me being vulnerable and admitting I need Him and you guys. Let's do it together.

Valentine's Day

2011-03-14T21:40:00.000-04:00

It's been a month since Valentine's Day, which is probably just enough time for you to have forgotten about it and coincidentally just enough time for me to stop procrastinating to post about it. One of the things we did to celebrate Valentine's Day was to go to Schenley Park for their Valentine's day deal. I loved it for every thing it offered: it was cheap (2 for the price of 1 admission - so $4 for both of us), skating for 3 hrs,

a free rose,

a free box of chocolates (that I am polishing off as I type this), free pizza and hot chocolate (we were too late on the draw and missed both of these), a free photo posted on the park's website,

a shoot out for prizes (we watched), free salsa lessons (didn't do this either), free massages (too late on the draw for this too) and a prize wheel from a radio station (where Mike and I both won 4 movie passes each, to specific movies).

Overall, it was an excellent time that I expected to be super cheesy and awkward, but it wasn't. We missed the freebies because we were too busy skating and people watching and the night just got away from us. Anyways, I highly recommend it. And also I highly recommend bringing some adorable company with you, it amps up the enjoyment factor a minimum of a hundred fold.

Oh, and happy Pi day. Bake yourself something fabulous.

Versus - II - Make War

2011-03-08T12:19:00.000-05:00

Another thing from the message I want to break down is this lie that is so pervasive: Everything is not God's will. God does not want people to murder other people. It is not His will that young girls are raped. Racism is not His desire. He does not want death. He does not want people to live in fear. He doesn't want people's homes to burn. That is not from God. Yes, He can bring good out of terrible situations, He can make all things new, but He does not need evil to bring good.

It wasn't His will that our grandfathers and Jackie died this past year. He did not desire for our hearts to be broken. Yes, God can heal us. He can use our pain to change us, to minister to others. But He is not the author of evil. Satan, the liar, the deceiver, the killer, the thief, the destroyer is the author of evil. Knowing what Satan has done to my life, knowing what he is doing in this world, watching the evening news, makes me want to assault him. Assault what he is doing to my friends, my neighbors and what he tries to do in me.

This awakens a part of my heart that I rarely allow out. A part that is passionate, aggressive and full-on wants to fight. A part that is not evil, but one that gets totally psyched about destroying evil. I know that I was built to fight. I use to take mixed martial arts and I felt so alive sparring - not to hurt another - but because there is part in me that is needed to fight. The part in me that is made to fight, that longs to fight, isn't made to be directed at other people - but at the prince of this age, the rulers, authorities and spiritual forces of evil.

Eph 6:12 - For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Denying self, what my flesh, my self craves, is absolutely necessary to keep Satan down, to succeed in Christ. I am so weak to accomplish this on my own. Every second I need Jesus to work in me, to help me see the lies, to decide to go His way. Only by Him am I winning.

He put this in my path today:

And this:

It's common knowledge in Young Life that sin talks always go poorly - stuff will fall down during your talk, cell phones will go off, there is will be major interruptions - and why? There is a spiritual battle going on for the very souls that need to hear truth and the powers of darkness don't like their spot being blown up.

Versus - I - Material vs. Meaning

2011-03-07T11:27:00.001-05:00

I don't know if it needs to be stated, but I love ACAC. I praise God for it, how He's put His hand on it and is working through it, in me, but also in so many other people and places. Yesterday's message was...nothing short of incredible. I'm always afraid I'm not going to hear from God when I go to church, like I foolishly think God will forget about me or I fear that won't have ears to hear...but then during the sermon, I always end up feeling like I'm the only one there and God's speaking right to me. It's usually simple and yet such profound truth that He elucidates to me...

Many things stuck out to me from yesterday, that I want to share with you, but for today:

Materialism vs. Meaning --
Since this summer, Christ has been drawing me into His thoughts on materialism and generosity. It's been painful yet good and right. In the message, Rock said that one of the lies that the prince of this world uses, is that materialism can fulfill your desire for meaning. It's clearly a lie that is so destructive to me. I'm dragged down so far into the materialism rabbit hole when I read blog after blog about someone redoing their front room for the 10th time. And I willingly drink the kool aid whenever I read blogs and think to myself, well she only spent $50 on that new outfit that she didn't need. It's not necessarily even the money spent, I find myself being very materialistic, coveting, obsessing, without spending a dime.

And guess what? Tracking down that perfect rug for my house will not bring me meaning. I'll have a rug. Not meaning. What could I have done with those hours I spent obsessing finding the best one for our price range, deciding what colors would work and what others would think? I make it my mission to track down something, though what I'm really searching for between all the seagrass, olefin and ikea - is meaning. I can't find it looking there. I can only find it in Him.

Through this I've been drawn deeper and convicted to 'let go' of my stuff and finances. It could all go up in flames today and if I've put my treasure, my trust and my heart into it, then I would be lost when it burns. It's all temporary anyhow. He's been challenging me instead to lever more of what He's blessed me with at the fulcrum of eternity impacting issues.

Jesus was homeless. So why should I aspire to acquire a lifetime of worldly comfort, while my neighbors starve?

2 Cor 6:4-10
⁴ Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; ⁵ in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; ⁶ in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; ⁷ in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; ⁸ through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; ⁹ known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; ¹⁰ sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

I am weak to do this, to not seek my own comfort, yet He is strong. He is able to work in me.

Divinely enough, I read this vulnerable post from Aaron Gillespie's wife, Jamie, this morning.

ACAC sermon podcasts (March 6 podcast isn't up yet, but you can still get the audio here)

Light Brite

2011-02-27T21:58:00.003-05:00

We're in the process of making over our bedroom, because we want it to be a sort of solace when the chaos that will take place this summer starts (i.e. gutting/getting new bathroom and siding). We've already completed a few projects on it, but here is a quick one I finished today, for your viewing pleasure:

My mom scored $3 lamps from a thrift store. I got plain white shades from the T for $8 a piece.

The lamps got together with a $3 can of spray paint.

And now we have lamps.

I think I'm going to do a ribbon border or something interesting for the shades. The bedroom make over reveal is yet to come...eventually. Don't hold your breath.

Things you should know about (if you don't already)

2011-02-17T12:30:00.002-05:00

Teen Girl Squad

'nough said

Phineas and Ferb

15 minutes of genius, hilarious writing and not a cussword to be heard.

I was published. Nothing earth-shattering. There will be no Nobel prize because of it. But published none-the-less.

Chocolate fondue is a majorly simple dessert that is simultaneously fancy and super rich and delicious. When I hear the word 'fondue', I picture ugly fondue sets and beehive hairdos and I feel weird about the '60s-'70s vibe. But then I taste the chocolate and I'm over it.

Which makes me think of another thing you should know about: the abbreviation for 1970s is '70s. The apostrophe denotes the part taken out, like in contractions. Plus 1970s is plural, not possessive like 1970's. Unless the year 1970 owns something. Like the age of voting being lowered to 18. Ok, enough of that stuff...

Baking soda is awesome. It's cheap. I use it to clean a bunch of stuff that's hard to clean but that you can't use steel wool on. Like my enamel coated oven, stove top and pyrex bakeware. That made me feel old saying that. Plus you can use it to brush your teeth, make stuff smell better and make stuff rise. I mean like cakes and stuff - it won't help you levitate.

I use to throw a lot of food away until I discovered my freezer. I use to think it was just for frozen pizza, ice cream, jalapeno poppers and ice cubes. Now I freeze leftovers, cake, stuff bought in bulk, wine (to use in cooking) and raspberries from last summer. I think discovering the freezer was a distinct transition from college life to real grown up life for me. That and the fact that I can't take afternoon naps anymore. Yet I still watch cartoons...hm.

Who am I to tell you what you should know about anyhow? You do you. Oh, except for this. You should definitely know about this.

Some love

2011-02-14T13:26:00.003-05:00

Love is my favorite. God is love. Unconditional love always humbles me. I was brought to tears this weekend at the humbling, beautiful, sweet love of my husband. Lately, I've been learning about how love is a weapon, that has power to demolish strongholds, to love someone into a place they couldn't get without love. Love can change relationships, situations, circumstances, a day, a week, a life. After all, Love changed the world:

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. //1 John 3:16

Listened to this beauty on the way to work this a.m.:

My Beautiful Love
Words and music by p.w. gopal

Someone told me, that love is for the “beauty’s”
that life is full of emptiness
for those who cannot see
they live by what is left
not ours for the takin’, but a vague permission
I can breath on one condition…

my Beautiful Life
my Beautiful Love
I want Beautiful eyes
To see what Beautiful does
Someone told me, that love would come and dress me
like rags to white lily’s
With one thing to make me
But in my position – with all my decisions
To walk out this cryptic rendition
The more I sit and wallow
…the more I see , the more I see, the more I see my true companion

Someone told me that love was for the pretty
what solemn duty could somewhat make me
but rags and lily’s, they both know
you cant scrape… Truth from Beauty
my Beautiful Life
my Beautiful Love
I want Beautiful eyes
To see what Beautiful does

To my valentine, thanks for the jelly toast hearts. You show me His love. Not necessarily because of the toast hearts, but because of how you sacrifice yourself for me and protect the chuppah at all costs.

The tale of a birthday cake: a[n] [incomplete] photo journey

2011-02-06T16:46:00.000-05:00

sometimes

2011-02-02T10:55:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you have a terrible week. Where everything goes wrong. Where you feel the burden of everything. Where your heart is breaking for people left and right. A week that just feels hopeless. A week where you feel alone.

Sometimes during that week a few good friends, who didn't know how your week was going, say something to let you know they were thinking of you. And suddenly, you don't feel so alone anymore. And the sun breaks through on a Wednesday morning.

Wombat love

2011-01-28T11:21:00.000-05:00

When I was in college, a professor gave a talk about his sabbatical in Australia, during which he held a wombat.

I've wanted to hold a wombat ever since. I'd also like to have one as a pet. If anyone knows where I can get a free wombat, I'd love to know. It doesn't need to be house trained, or even tame, I'm willing to work with what I can get.

Turning Point

2011-01-25T19:24:00.000-05:00

Today we were driving on 279N after work on the way to pick up my car after it was inspected. We were coming up on the Wexford exit where we wanted to get off. The traffic was at a sudden standstill so Mike hit the brakes and we came to a quick stop. Immediately we heard the loud high-pitched squeal of tires - the worst I have ever heard. The sound was getting closer. I held my breath and braced for impact. Then Mike did something incredible. A complete superhero move. Just as I saw the car in a spin out of the corner of my eye, by my side of the car, he took his foot off the brake, pointed the car toward the open lane and accelerated out of there, away from the danger. He made a split-second decision that may have saved my life. Maybe the car would have never hit us. But it didn't matter. I realized that Mike could make a decision and act under high pressure to protect me. Once my heart stopped racing and I let my breath out, I said "Praise God." We prayed and then Mike said his neck was so tight from tensing up. I looked at him and realized that he is so much more than he thinks he is. I swallowed back the urge to cry and praised God for such an incredible man.

Complete vs. Comfortable

2011-01-24T12:22:00.001-05:00

"God cares more about your completeness than your comfort"

- Jay Mitlo, as I remember it.

I hate that most of my mental energy and prayers have been spent seeking my comfort when my only real heart-need is completeness. God surely cares more about my completeness than my comfort because completeness is my only need while comfort is not.

It's scary desiring completeness in Christ rather than comfort. What if my completeness requires me to hurt? What if my completeness can only happen through heartbreak? Or loss of my comfortable life? What if my priorities have to change? What if that means I don't serve my needs first?

I know seeking completeness in Christ means I give up following me. I know it's the best risk I can take. I desire to be complete. I foolishly want to cling on to me being in control, seeking my comfort, but as I'm writing this, I can't get Mute Math's 'Control' out of my head:

"There's no better loss than to lose myself in you"

Truth.

December Recap 2010: Part III + a little January

2011-01-13T23:29:00.001-05:00

Alright kids, here's the final segment of December recap 2010. Get excited.

Our New Year's eve started with making some dishes with our dear friends Jeff and Melissa to take to a pot luck dinner with Mike's high school friends. It was very fun and very delicious.

We then rung in the New Year at the Bowden's sweet New Year's Eve party - which Courtney recapped beautifully here. It was such a blast.

Remember last year - the nice 'last photo of 2009'? Well, I wish there was more thought put into it this year because this is the last 'wah, wah' photo of 2010.

boo. boring. unflattering. The best part - I was enjoying playing Guesstures while it was taken.

However, this was the first photo of 2011!

Post 2010, things got a little crazy (poppers, sparklers) and a lotta fun (photo booth, dance party).

Yeah, I'm gonna say it - best New Year's yet.

Now, for a little bonus January section added to the December recap for your viewing pleasure:

Jan 1 - We journeyed to Johnstown to celebrate Christmas with my Mom's side of the family. We played 'smoke or fire' (i.e. guess black or red and then a card is flipped) for a shot at a present in the present pile. I was right about a third of the time - but Mike never lost. He was asked about 10 times and was right every time. Yeah, he's the lucky one.*

My aunt got a pup for Christmas. My mom is potty training it for her. Her name is Abby and she's such a sweet pea. That's Ruby, my parent's other Jack Russell - and one of Sugar's pup's, meeting her.

My cousin Jen has the sweetest children.

Norah is one of them and she took my hand and led me around all day. It was wonderful to get to spend time with them and enjoy another set of Christmas festivities.

On January 2nd, we said goodbye to RJ, Kris and Maggie. Mike coaxed a smile out of her before they left.

That's it. The end of the recap. It was a great break filled with so many blessings, yet our hearts were heavy for the Mitlos during it as well. God is good always. Not just in the showcased good times. He's faithful in the hard times, too. Praise be to Him.

*I mean, he's lucky. I know I'm the lucky one in the relationship. I mean he's more lucky at chance games. I'm lucky to have him.

December Recap 2010: Part II

2011-01-10T15:33:00.003-05:00

Round 2. Ding Ding.

Somehow Santa knew I wouldn't be in our new house for Christmas morning, so he came the night before Christmas eve, ensuring that I had a stocking full - 3lbs of gummi bears (how weird of a word is gummi by the way?), chocolate and a silpat. Santa knows me pretty well.

Please excuse the no make-up, hair-back bald look.

After church and Christmas eve dinner with the Tolinos, we journeyed to Johnstown.

Where I took this picture of a pear.

And we dressed Sugar up.

Don't let her fool you, she loves it.

I got my dad a rubber band gun. I knew it was a bad idea. Turns out I paid for it an hour later when I wasn't expecting it.

Mike got some sweet home improvement stuff, including a circular saw.

This is Daisie's first winter. She adores the snow. She eats it, she throws it in the air.

Generally, she frolics in it.

After Christmas with my family, we went back to Pittsburgh to celebrate with Mike's mom's side. Of course that meant another dose of Maggie's cuteness as well as time with her parents. They are such an adorable family.

And finally, we got to meet Mike's stepsister's new baby, Zachary. He's so cute! Maggie and Zach were adorable together in their ducky PJs. Double baby cute.

During the last week of 2010, we visited Mike's uncle Vince (coincidentally, both of his uncles' names are Vince) at his work. And by we visited, I mean, Maggie was paraded around to charm all the hearts in the building. It was good to see him though and spend time with family.

The last part of 2010 is coming. It's the glitziest yet.

December Recap 2010: Part I

2011-01-07T12:22:00.004-05:00

Remember last year's December recap? Since I neglected to keep up with last month's activities, I decided to do a recap again, however this year, the photos are even more numerous...so they will need to be broke into multiple posts. Here goes kids...

Mike got an awesome grill for a birthday/early Christmas present from my parents. They also provided a delicious flat iron steak to test it out with. We had to try it out despite the freezing temperatures (note the snow in the background).

In other culinary adventures, I made marshmallows and we toasted them on the gas stove on a fork. Very refined, I know. However, they made incredible s'mores.

We got our second Christmas tree as a married couple, the first for our house.

We were worried that the tree was going to be too big.

But it actually fit in the living room nicely and we had fun bringing it in and decorating it.

I loved how the lights cast shadows of the branches on the wall.

and end scene. Next...

On one December weekend we took a trip to Elmira, NY to visit Melissa and Jeff and spend time with Bjorn and Bvon who were visiting too. Melissa and Jeff have an amazing apartment in an old school house. I sadfully didn't capture it, but you'll have to take my word for it.

Elmira's campus is beautiful. Reminiscent of Juniata, but more purple. It's the school color and it is everywhere. Purple doors, trash cans, folders, stained glass, trim, even temporary scaffolding and hand soap. They're dedicated. *note purple rug

*note purple phone booth

This was an ultra-expensive fireplace in the first floor of an ultra-expensive dorm that we ~~broke into~~, ~~snuck into~~, toured. *note purple couch

Mark Twain's study is on campus. It's actually pretty charming.

*note purple background on sign

*note purple bow

*note purple flyer

It was fantastic seeing them.

*note purple trash cans

My grandma turned 90 this month! 90. Seriously. 90. Whoa. She's been around since 1920. Wow. I made the cake. She likes pansies, the flower I mean, just to clarify.

*Note purple shirt. Oh, sorry, we're not in Elmira anymore.

One of my aunts is a teacher. She had her kids decorate 91 (1 to grow on) candles to make a sweet banner/border for my Gram's bday.

I also made cupcakes. Chocolate with chocolate filling and peanut butter icing. Lemon with raspberry filling and vanilla buttercream.

We also looked at photos of my grandfather, whom I never met. I'm so intrigued and I feel sad that I never knew him.

Back in Pittsburgh....R.J., Kris and of course baby Maggie came to casa Tolino to visit. Maggie is the best dressed baby. She always had some sweet Christmas-themed or fancy outfit on.

We chatted some before she went to sleep.

Stay tuned. More December sweetness to come.

Christ's-love-mas

2010-12-20T14:32:00.000-05:00

I love this.

I'm so humbled, thankful, and excited to celebrate His coming into this world, His sacrifice, to make me as white as snow. So we could be together. I feel so loved. So completely undeserving, yet so deeply cherished.

I've been thinking of this beautiful song lately.... (which I was introduced to at this awesome girl's wedding)

I hope you and Him fall more in love. He's the best.

The Great Cake Adventure: The Final Project

2010-12-10T14:32:00.000-05:00

Chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream and gingerbread cake with sweet cream cheese icing. I really like the way cut cake looks. It seduces me.

Things I learned through the class:

1. Never transport a cake on a car seat - always put it on the floor. My teacher announced this to everyone on the second to last class and everyone was like "Of course, who would do that?" Well, I would.

2. I really dislike driving from one end of Pittsburgh to the other during rush hour.

3. The value of tools. It's amazing what you can do with the right tools. And not having the right ones can make some things impossible.

4. You really can enjoy a class if you enjoy what you're learning about. (and if you have a cool teacher and no tests..)

5. Getting out of my comfort zone is so do-able. Scary, but do-able. I got to know my table-mate which was out of the norm for me, because I'm typically shy in those types of situations.

6. I learned a lot through the class, but still have a lot of experience to gain.

7. I stress myself out about doing everything perfectly and I struggle when things aren't.

8. The most important thing I learned (and still am) is that I want to love people by serving them through this passion. I want to bring the good through it. It's kind of pointless for me to pursue baking or anything really, if it doesn't glorify God. I think God is expanding my view from what I narrowly thought glorified Him. I realize that doing what you're passionate about brings Him so much glory. I've been so encouraged by those I've been watching do this - they're rocking it out in things they are passionate about. They're pursuing dreams that God placed in them, that He designed them for. It's completely beautiful.

The great cake adventure is over, friends. or is it just beginning...

Tolino Island...

2010-12-08T21:55:00.018-05:00

When Lindsey and I bought our house, we knew a lot of things needed to be done. One of the biggest problems was/is the kitchen. It was atrocious when we first bought the house and honestly hasn't gotten that much better. We didn't want to throw money at the problems (because there were so many), but wanted to fix it right, from top to bottom. That takes money and time, both of which we don't necessarily have a lot of. Our biggest need for everyday life in the kitchen was counter space and cabinet space/drawers. We have one small wall of metal cabinets (we're not very confident that they'll actually hold our plates and glasses without falling down), 3 very small drawers (junk drawer size at best) and a few base cabinets. We also only have maybe 5 feet of counter space max, with a mixer (see Lindsey's baking exhibitions), toaster oven (currently on its last leg), spice rack (why not?) and whatever dishes we have washed but have yet to dry, on that limited counter space. In order to give us more "prep" room, we have been using a small fold up table as a make shift island since June (when we bought the house). We decided that even though we weren't going to remodel the kitchen yet, we could buy an island from IKEA or craigslist, but after searching high and low, we decided that we could make one for a fraction of the cost. So...after finding all of the pieces, patiently waiting for time to take on said project, we now have our own kitchen island...Here's my recap:

Step One: Find a base cabinet. We found this beauty at Construction Junction. If you haven't been there and you own a house, you should check it out!

Step Two: Decide that you need to reinforce the back so that it can actually hold a drawer, but then put it off and let the cabinet sit on your front porch for 2 months.

Step Three: Decide it's time to get serious about this project and find a piece of countertop. In our case, the perfect size piece became available when someone upgraded their countertops to granite and listed this gorgeous piece of wood on craigslist.

notice the burn marks, cup ring, artwork...here is a close-up

Step Four: Sand the butcher block to get rid of all of nasty leftovers and leave it with a fresh surface for our kitchen.

Half way done:

All of the way done:

Step Five: Reinforce the back/top of the cabinet to withstand the weight of the drawers. Take the drawers and doors off, clean, prime and paint them. Also pick out new hardware and get a food safe wood sealer (ours is with bees wax), drill holes into the previously un-handled drawers, realize that the bolts that came with the hardware are too short to fit, figure out that they do not sell the exact size bolts that you need, blah blah blah, figure out the problem and attach the handles to the drawers. That was possibly steps 5-24, but you get the point.

Step Six: Put it all back together, liquid nail the butcher block onto the cabinet and condition the countertop.

Step Seven: Enjoy it!

Before and after pictures...by the way, we are meaning to secure it to the floor, but it's weighted so perfectly right now, we haven't done so yet.

PS. the drawers are not as long as we really need and they don't actually open up the whole way (design flaw, not necessarily my doing), but we can still use them for the majority of the kitchen utensils that we've been keeping in a box in the pantry. Our silverware is much too long for these drawers and we still haven't figured out what to put in the cabinets either! The counter space has done wonders so far. It's so nice to have a counter height island, instead of the low table that we'd been using. It's already paying dividends for our backs.

The Great Cake Adventure: Thanksgiving with Chambord

2010-12-07T13:49:00.001-05:00

Sad news kids. This is the second to last cake I made for class. You may have noticed there seem to be some cakes missing. Don't worry (I know you were...right?) There were at least 2 weeks in the middle that we didn't make cakes for - one we worked with royal icing (hence the royal icing letters - I had a ton of icing left over from class). The other week we made fondant roses, bows and borders. Now you know. And your worries are gone. Let's move on.

This was the first cake covered with fondant for the class (second for me). I was taking it to Mike's family's Thanksgiving the next day, hence the fall-ish theme.

I got this much done in class. Do you hate the taste of fondant? Pleeease try MMF. It is real good. Mike said it tasted like Lucky Charms. I had pretty much written off fondant as edible until I made MMF for this cake. Now I'll never go back to the store bought. Bonuses - MMF is much cheaper and no trans fat like in the store bought.

This is how I finished it after class. I really liked the way it turned out. I think it would have been better with a bottom border though.

I learned with this cake that I really need to draw up designs before I start them. It takes me so much longer to arrive at a vision/design if I just sit there and stare at it. I'm new to this whole creative process. Oh, and I almost forgot the reason for the title - the cake recipe was modified from Cupcake 33 from mingmakescupcakes. I love Chambord, but the cake just tasted like black forest basically.

Coming soon: The Final Project! You're so excited I know.

This is War...

2010-12-06T14:18:00.000-05:00

This is war like you ain't seen.
This winter's long, it's cold and mean.
With hangdog hearts we stood condemned,
But the tide turns now at Bethlehem.

This is war and born tonight,
The Word as flesh, the Lord of Light,
The Son of God, the low-born king;
Who demons fear, of whom angels sing.

This is war on sin and death;
The dark will take it's final breath.
It shakes the earth, confounds all plans;
The mystery of God as man.

I love this different perspective on Christmas.

I'm so humbled He would wage war, fight, for me.

Plus, how cool is the video? I love Dustin Kensrue (de Thrice).

Check his other stuff out, you won't be sorry.

The great cake adventure: TGS Edition

2010-12-05T22:42:00.000-05:00

The ugly one:

Mickey and I didn't get along. Truth be told, I didn't give him the time he needed. I started to bake him too late the night before class and it caused me to get to bed late. I think I subconsciously held it against him the next morning. Then I realized he didn't fit in my cake taker. The Saran wrap I covered him with blew off in the wind and rain when I was taking him into class. Then I couldn't get the icing the colors I wanted. Though the photo is deceiving, he is purple and pink, not black and red. A headache set in and I was the last person left in class (due to the icing color struggle and fact that everyone chose easier shapes, like footballs) so I iced him as fast as I could and peaced out. We lost the camera battery charger, so Mickey didn't even get a decent photo (photo via iphone). He spitefully decided to not even taste good. Bitterly I cut him into pieces and put him the freezer. It was the only thing I knew to do.

Better stuff to come.

Oh, and you score a gift card for fashion if you got the TGS reference.

Soon, promise.

2010-11-30T14:21:00.000-05:00

I have that which I need to do, that which I should do, and that which I want to do. Blogging is somewhere down on the list of the third category. Almost the whole category has been neglected lately, save for the occasional snuggle.

Sorry, be back soon. You know, 'cause December is usually a calm month.

Family Love

2010-11-16T16:05:00.001-05:00

A few weekends ago, we ventured to Virginia to see Maggie's baptism.

Maggie's fairly nocturnal by the way. Mike and I stayed up a little with her the night before and it was such precious moments we got to spend with her.

We're so smitten.

As you can tell, she loves us too. [Check out that face she's making!]

It was a beautiful but chilly day. After the ceremony, we went to Gadsby's Tavern. We left our camera at their apartment and didn't get photos until after we were back, so alas I don't have any photos of the historical awesomeness that was Gadsby's Tavern. Supposedly it was a gathering spot for the country's Founding Fathers; supposedly I was in love with it. Not like I'm in love with Mike. Or Maggie. More like that was an exaggeration to try to express how awesome it was. I love Alexandria by the way. Go there, see the cutest baby ever, tour Old Town and eat at Gadsby's. Sounds perfect.

It was a fantastic time [but too short!] seeing everyone.

Maggie's baptism also landed on my dad's birthday. So we trekked it to Johnstown post-haste to see him.

The strawberries were an inside joke, hence the laughing.

Since I couldn't easily transport a cake for him, I made some royal icing letters and flowers and brought them up to decorate his cheesecake. Nothing says 'manly' like daisies. Yet the letters remind me of the Simpsons for some reason.

Oh yeah, and we woke to this Sunday morning. The first snow of the season I've witnessed. It's worth noting that my parents live in the alps. Also that this had all melted by the afternoon. Still, it put me in the mood to ~~make Mike suffer through~~ watch White Christmas when we got home. It was a whirlwind of a weekend filled with all sorts of goodness. So blessed.

Straight Up

2010-11-12T14:37:00.001-05:00

I've read and been hit lately with a lot of 'look at me' type stuff. [which is maybe why I haven't been posting consistently?] Like, 'I'm so amazing, I just made this entire dinner out of a ball of twine and two ingredients'. Or, 'I'm the most fabulous knitter, in fact, this year the Christmas tree in Time Square will, for the first time ever, not be a real tree, but one I will knit during the month of December'. (by the way, there's been a lot talk about Christmas already...I'm not against it at all, but I need to live my life one day at time, y'know? As in, bring on the turkey.) Okay, those are exaggerations. And I'm not talking about you, either. Seriously, I'm not. However, even though I'm feeling a little like bitter Janis Ian ("Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each others awesomeness?" ), in response to all the "I'm awesome"-ness, I'm going to list ten things that are awful about me:

1. I leave my dishes in the sink entirely too long before washing them. Seriously, I'm ashamed to tell you how long they will sit. I want to invite people over so I'm motivated to wash them.

2. I am terrible at remembering dates. Every date. If I remember your birthday, you should feel exceptionally special. I can't abandon facebook for this reason...though I've contemplated.

3. I can't shut up. Not to everyone or all the time. But to some people, on a few subjects- yes. And I'll cut you off.

4. If I fall asleep somewhere other than my bed and you try to wake me up, I become someone else. A heinous banshee. So, don't wake me if I fall asleep on your couch.

5. I am a clutz. Not in a cute kind of way. I either will make a total fool out of myself or really hurt myself. I was born with it. I have quite a history of self-inflicted injuries: cutting my forehead with a meat hook when I was a young pup, breaking my foot going for a ball in soccer in high school, rolling my ankle and falling down a flight of stairs in college. Those are the majors - there is always the daily smattering of trips, toe-stubs and funny bone bumps. My dad noticed my clutz-hood early on and wrote 'The Law of Lindsey' which reads "Be careful when you move, because you may hurt yourself, something or someone else". Okay, so it's more of a warning, but it's still called the law around here.

6. I'm not a good knitter. I've tried. Maybe I will again someday, but today is not that day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.

7. I am cheap yet have to deny strong urges to spend frivolously on a whim. To anyone outside my brain this looks like hypocrisy --i.e. "Mike, do you really need that?" "Oh, but Mike, pleeeease, I really waant those boots."

8. I don't love enough. Not as freely or as frequently as is needed. I feel like now this list is getting real.

9. I pick my nails and my skin. Woof, I know.

10. I'm really bad at taking criticism. I don't like being told I'm wrong, and I like being wrong even less. I need humbled all the time. Thank God this life's not about me.

Though this list was. Sorry. Fail. Do you feel better about yourselves? I hope.

Sacrifice

2010-11-11T15:20:00.000-05:00

I've always been in awe of how one could give up the comfort of home, their precious time and their lives to go and endure harsh training and commit to serve. At the very least it would be uncomfortable and heart-breaking, at the worst - torture or death. Yet, there are so many who know this and decide to sacrifice themselves anyway.

The awe I have for this sacrifice is the same awe I have for Christ's sacrifice.

Thanks for sacrifice is never enough. Yet, I am so grateful. Thank you. Your sacrifice points to His sacrifice. That's awesome and beautiful.

P.S. I kind of hate that stores will use any excuse to have a sale. Veterans day sales? Commercialism is how we acknowledge sacrifice? Boo hiss. Wait, 25% off already marked down clearance shoes? I might have to check it out...yes, hypocrite.

The great cake adventure: Issue 3&4

2010-10-25T10:11:00.000-04:00

Here's the last 2 weeks' projects:

Chocolate cake with vanilla buttercream

Pumpkin cupcakes with vanilla buttercream filling

I don't really have much to say about these, other than they've been fun to do. However, if anyone needs a cake in the coming weeks, pleeeease let me know. I'm running out of things to do with the cake I make. 75% of the first cake was pitched, which I feel bad about. So if you know anyone with any sort of occasion coming up, in which a cake may be desired, please let me know. Also, if you know of someone getting married around Thanksgiving, I will have a FREE tiered wedding cake that I've made.

So either I find someone to give it to, or I eat it myself. Please don't make me eat that entire cake. I don't have stretch pants loose enough for it.

Grown and Silly

2010-10-20T18:09:00.001-04:00

Mike and I are grown adults. I mean, we bought a house, we pay taxes and we have grown-up jobs. Today at lunch, as we were contemplating our adult responsibilities, we found a strange carrot in our bag of baby carrots. So what do adults do with a funny-looking carrot? This....

Maybe you can't see Troy clearly...here is a closer shot:

Yes, our carrumpkin's (carrot pumpkin) name is Troy. We put him in the hall at work for all to see. We later found out he is quite a charmer, getting giggles out of several coworkers.

The part where I knew we were fully grown-up is when we could NOT stop laughing about it. It was totally hysterical. Troy lightened up my day and other's at work...be silly. It helps.

Don't worry people, I haven't stopped posting decorated cakes...I promise to post some soon. I've just been busy, what, with carving faces in carrots and all.

Look what we have here...

2010-10-13T23:13:00.011-04:00

Welcome to the family Margaret!

Last week, we welcomed a new member to the family! Welcome Margaret Marie Nelis! My sister Kristen and her husband RJ had the most beautiful baby girl on October 7, 2010. Lindsey and I (along with the rest of the fam) went down to Alexandria to celebrate with them last week and it was such a good time. It's so good to spend time with my brothers and sister and the family. We have been so bogged down by schedules, work, class, traveling on weekends, projects on the house; but this past weekend was so good. It was a mini vacation for us and was so good for the soul. Seeing the beauty of God's creation in my beautiful niece and seeing how great Kris and Rj are with her is such a refreshing thing. It makes me appreciate life so much more. It makes me appreciate my parents and grandparents so much more than I already did. I am extremely excited to see what God has in store for Maggie, and the life ahead of her. I'm equally as excited for Kris and RJ, my parents, my brother and Lindsey and I. We all get to help mold and shape Maggie's life and be a part of something bigger than our lives by themselves. I spent 2 days with the baby, but I already know that we'll be the best of friends. I love her so much!

The proud uncle, aunt and parents with baby Maggie!

She was so sweet laying in my arms and I think she was laughing?!

She lays like a certain uncle...and check out the onesie that Aunt Lindsey made for her!

I am blown away by how small she is, but also how everything is already there...She is a miniature person! I can't believe it. Her toes are so perfect!

I'm in love...don't worry Linds. You will always be my girl, but you have to admit that she is beautiful!

The proud uncles

Lindsey falling in love too...

Look at how proud she is of her niece!

It's amazing how blessed my family has been and I am so thankful for what God has given us. This little beauty is just another example of Your Grace and Love. Thank you Jesus!

More Important News plus basketcase and tiramisu cake (The great cake adventure: Issue 2)

2010-10-07T10:37:00.004-04:00

The more important news?? Mike and I are an uncle and aunt, respectively of course. Mike's sister and husband had their first babe, Margaret Marie at 9:01 this morning. Everyone is doing well and we are thrilled!

We can't wait to meet her!

In other, less important, yet more photo-dominant news:

I am completely blessed to have my husband serenade me while I smooth a cake. He's the best. I'm sorry to have to let you all know the best is taken. **Note the paint can back drop and sickening yellow walls, nice, right?

No, the cake did not have a death wish and try to jump. It was just hanging out at the edge to make me nervous.

The cake after class. This class was focused on drop flowers and basket weave. Clearly.

I actually really enjoyed doing the basket weave. It's a fun pattern and you have to pay attention to when you're doing it. I do think it uses too much icing and is appropriate only for Easter or Mother's Day cakes, but that's just my opinion. Note the left side of the basket weave. It may have hit the side of the cake dome while traveling home. I left the battery for the camera charging at work, so I had to take photos post-transit, which was stressful. I also got a parking ticket that day, was late to class because of traffic and lost my work ID card (that someone turned in -thanks, stranger!). Really, the basket weave piping was a stress release.

On another note, I made tiramisu cake for Mike's aunt Maria's birthday. I used smitten kitchen's recipe for the filling and icing (with coffee in place of liquor) and a modified butter cake recipe (1/2c coffee replacing 1/2c milk) . I must say, I think it was my favorite cake I've ever made. The icing recipe is what makes it fantastic - mascarpone and whipped cream is like tasting heaven. Seriously, did manna taste like this? If so, I'll take the wandering the desert. Just kidding, I just want dessert.

On being perfect

2010-10-04T13:49:00.001-04:00

"I love, you know, good crowds, when they sing, and I like it when they feel like they're part of what's going on... 'cause to me it's not about playing perfect music, as much as it's about, like, almost kinda like, a relationship with each other." -- John Mark McMillan

I'm learning so much lately about not being perfect. Not having to have everything I do be perfect. Obviously, I don't want to do a shoddy job on things...but I'm realizing that perfection shouldn't be my priority. Relationships should. Love should. Simple. Obvious. Still grasping it.

quote from this deep video, which I first saw on Bowdenisms.

Things we've learned....

2010-10-01T11:41:00.001-04:00

...since buying a house:

1. The rumors are true: Like a turtle put in a larger aquarium, your stuff really will grow to fit the size of its container. It's super weird. Our junk has multiplied like rabbits. How about that....two animal analogies.

2. Cleaning and paint make everything better. Well, they make everything look better.

3. Plants will grow in the yard. Ones you want and ones you don't. With little or no help from us.

4. There's always something that we can do on it.

5. It's a long, slow, process.

6. We are so blessed.

...since deciding to go with out cable:

1. The only thing we (well, Mike) miss are games that aren't broadcasted on network channels

2. Almost every show we watch is online...seriously.

3. Getting a redbox more often is still cheaper than mindlessly watching cable...even if you forget to return it the next day...twice...in a row.

4. We are so blessed.

...since deciding to eat only what is in our house for a month (i.e. no eating out or buying groceries):

1. I, Lindsey, miss sandwiches and hoagies the most

2. We miss Oakland food: Milano's pizza, Dave and Andy's ice cream and Lena's gyros

3. We are so blessed.

The great cake adventure: Issue 1

2010-09-29T21:36:00.002-04:00

Welcome to the first installment of my great cake adventure. Wait, no, that's too grandiose an introduction for a cake on a car seat... Here's a cake. My first, for the class.

I don't know why I would need to post 2 very similar photos, but I did. Also, I intentionally put the baseball glove there to evoke feelings of nostalgia at the passing of summer and to simultaneously use the glove color to accent the color of the leaves on the cake....that or I needed something to prop the cake up so it sat level on the car seat and this was all I could find. Furthermore, I may or may not have been the only cake in class without borders and edging. I decided adding them would bring a more traditional element to the cake and I was going for a much more modern vibe....that or I ran out of time. I also may have gotten locked in the walk-in freezer. A sign on the door assured me, stating "You are not locked in", however, it neglected to tell me how to get out. As you may have guessed, I am not writing this from inside the freezer. After some humble pie pounding on the door, I was set free.

Seriously though, I'm learning a ton! Mostly from experimenting and just trying. Plus it's fun. Win win. And you get to watch. Win win win.

f.y.i.: I made a Bonnie Butter cake from a recipe in the old school Betty Crocker red cook book (which my mom got for me at auction), or you fancy folks that work that internet can find it here. I modified the Wilton Buttercream recipe to 2/3 c butter, 1/3 c shortening, because I wanted to minimize the shortening but still use it because our instructor wanted us to - next time I'm going all butter and 1c less sugar - which is the recipe I used for Hannah's cake.

Surprise and passion

2010-09-22T16:10:00.000-04:00

I've been challenged lately to be authentic, open and honest. Unfortunately, those things can also bring vulnerability. Now I feel very vulnerable, because I am opening myself up to be judged. Here goes.

A few weeks ago, my aunt planned a surprise engagement party/girls' night for my cousin Hannah. I volunteered to make the cake. The party was awesome. She was completely surprised! It was so good to spend time with all the women there.

The women from my dad's side of the family, with Hannah double leid. Ha!

So why am I feeling vulnerable? Well, I'm going to share the cake I made.

I feel like making a bunch of excuses as to how it didn't come out exactly how I wanted, but I'm not going to. I've felt convicted to pursue what I'm passionate about and have been looking up stuff about determining your passion and I found this:

"When we do what we are passionate about, we have total confidence in our abilities. This makes us not worry about failing, because in our mind, how can we fail when we do what we love? Doing what you love is a success in and of itself, so failure is like an impossibility. Think of something that you just do or want to do, no matter what. Something that you do not have second thoughts about. Think about something that you feel you must do and that failure is not even a concern of yours, because the mere act of doing it is like the journey and the destination all wrapped up in one. This may very well be your true passion." - from here

And that's how I feel about baking. I'm not really afraid to attempt things because even if I totally mess it up (which often happens), I still really enjoy doing it. So in that sense, I never really feels like I'm failing. At the same time, I really enjoy learning about it, how to do it better and where I went wrong. However, I honestly fear being rejected by others or what I've done being rejected. That's a whole other issue that God's addressing in me.

I think rejection is inevitable, really. I read an article about an interview with John Mark McMillan and I was challenged by this line, "After all, a lack of approval is a common side effect of honesty." And McMillan said “I think people get so concerned with being correct that they end up editing themselves down, but that’s not the way King David did it...That’s not the way they do it in the Bible.... I think He’d really prefer something that’s incorrect and genuine instead of something that’s correct but comes from a robot.” I definitely think God is glorified when we are open and honest about our hearts.

God has challenged me to be vulnerable, open and honest. Since I wanted to learn more and improve at cake decorating, I'm taking a class on it. For the class I have to make a cake a week, and so I'm going to share how they turn out. Part of this is terrifying me, especially because of how I did at last night's class, but I want to be honest and real. So, a cake a week for 9 weeks. Get ready for a sweet tooth ache.

playing ketchup

2010-09-19T22:51:00.003-04:00

We know we've slacked lately. It's an excuse, sure, but life has been going too fast to document. Rather, it hasn't been a priority to document. But now that we've got things a little more straightened out/unpacked, I can more easily share. Get ready for a load of random backlogging with and without explanation.

This is Daisie, before and after lots of dog food. She's my parents' Oorang airedale and she's grown that much in 5 months. She has a year left to grow. She looks like a horse already. I love her.

Yes, that is our box spring cut in two and folded. Yes, that is an extension cord tied to hold it. No, you may not tell my father, the electrician about that.

Elation from finally getting our box spring upstairs! And saving the cost of new split ones.

These were delicious. Especially with the cream cheese icing.

This was easy to make. Plus I had almost everything to make it. I used a rounded coat hanger as the hoop.

There were a lot of auctions this summer. During which my dad did a lot of this...

By the way, I hate catchup and ketchup. Or catsup. Either way, I'm not a fan.

In a house without A/C...

2010-09-13T13:53:00.002-04:00

this is a heavenly weather forecast.

Sep 13 Partly Cloudy / Wind 78°/56°

Sep 14 Sunny 74°/56°

Sep 15 Partly Cloudy 73°/55°

Sep 16 Showers 74°/58°

Sep 17 Partly Cloudy 69°/51°

Sep 18 Sunny 73°/55°

Sep 19 Mostly Sunny 67°/55°

Sep 20 Sunny 70°/55°

Sep 21 Mostly Sunny 71°/58°

Sep 22 Sunny 75°/60°

In our row...

2010-09-07T21:19:00.003-04:00

This man sat in our row at church this week. There was one woman sitting in between me and Mike Tomlin. Seriously.

Here's how it happened: An usher came to our row during the first worship song and asked if we had room for two. We did and moved down to make room. I didn't pay attention when the people came to sit. Then (my) Mike whispered to me that it was Mike Tomlin. I was...excited!

I thought about how cool it was that Mike Tomlin was at the church I attended. I was excited that I was sitting in the same row as him and I wondered if I would get the chance to talk to him. I thought about how I know very little about football (except what I catch on The Fan when Mike listens). Then, it hit me square in the face - what will it be like on That Day? The day that I meet Jesus face to face. I was so psyched to be sitting by a Pittsburgh celebrity, a man with influential power. Yet, how much more psyched will I be when I meet THE Most Powerful.

It will be very different. How crazy would it be if Mike Tomlin knew me, by name. Yet, on That Day, The Almighty will. He will know everything about me. It made me long to be living a life to which He will say "Well done, good and faithful servant" (Matt 25:23) It was so unexpected to see Tomlin in church, but I'm sure Christ's return will be just as unexpected.

I didn't meet Mike Tomlin. He was out of there as soon as it was over, probably trying to avoid a mob of people. I can't say I wouldn't be one of them. I wanted to tell him that he made me excited to meet Jesus.

redirected

2010-09-03T12:21:00.000-04:00

So, today I was planning on posting random photos from our summer and talking about them. But after an interaction with a man on the bus this morning, I can't do that. I may post them later, but hopefully with a different perspective.

I am incredibly, incredibly blessed. I deserve none of it. God in His grace and mercy has given me so much to steward. This morning, I felt ashamed of that. I felt so saddened for others' experiences that I can't even begin to grasp. I felt so terrible for the things humans have done to humans, for the things I've done to others and for the things I haven't done for others. I've felt terrible that I've lived in so much ignorance and apathy - I'm sure partially because I've wanted to and partially because of my 'privileged' upbringing.

God, in His abundant wisdom, grace and love, showed Mike a verse last night that he shared with me:

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief. Eccl 1:18

We discussed what that meant. We talked about how when our eyes are opened more and when we have more knowledge of this world, the more of a burden we carry for it. It's like God prepared us for this morning with putting His word in our hearts.

I talked to Mike about how I've felt so ashamed of everything I have. He pointed me in the right direction, and made it clear that you can't really be ashamed of stuff that isn't yours. I know that all this, all the loving relationships, all the material things, even my own life, isn't mine. They are God's. I am only to steward them as He sees fit.

I often feel that I can't get involved or try to love people because I'm white. I feel that sometimes I'm stereotyped (but don't I fit them?) that I can't understand what others' experience. I often feel ashamed that I'm white. I sometimes ask God why He made me this color. I feel that I could do so much more ministry or be so much more effective if I wasn't white. God reminds me that He created me this way out of His infinite wisdom . That He made my skin color white for His purpose and that He also gave me a heart for others for His purpose as well. I know that if God designed me this way, and if He put the passion in me that He has - His power can overcome and work through anything. What I see as obstacles, God can use. No, He doesn't just 'use' it like He has to make something work that wasn't meant to be - rather He designed it - purposed it - before I was even born.

Praise be to God.

Our dear Jackie

2010-08-05T15:46:00.012-04:00

Writing this post is something that I have wanted to do for a few weeks now, but I just haven't been ready to do it. I can feel my stomach turning into a knot as I think of what to write. It's been a really tough couple of weeks, but it has also been an incredible couple of weeks. For those of you who do not know, our beautiful dog, Jackie, died a few weeks ago. She was our best friend, pretty much like our child and we miss her terribly. There aren't many things that don't remind me of her throughout the day. She honestly was the best dog I could have ever imagined and she could always put a smile on my face, even when she did something she shouldn't have. She was just that type of dog. It has been a rough year for us as both of our grandfathers passed away recently as well. We have been so blessed to have them all in our lives for the time that we did. We both would like to share with everyone things that God has taught us through these loved ones and through our grieving process.

God has really shown me a lot in these past couple weeks and I feel like I could write a book about it all. Since I don't really write much on here, I'm torn about what to use this space for. I think that reminiscing on all of the great moments we had with Jackie is something that helps me still delight in her. I would love to share those with everyone, because I feel that anyone who knew Jack was entertained by her, loved by her and hopefully liked her and I think that sharing those things can bring joy to other people's lives. We have a ton of stories about our grandfathers too and will gladly share with you, two of the lives that have meant so much in our lives. I will share some of the things that God has taught us, first. The pictures/story time will have to wait until I get the mac up and running.

One huge reason that we have gotten through this tragedy is our knowledge that God is in control, He has a plan and His will is perfect. We have no idea why Jackie died the way she did, but God does. That is something that we trust in and we know that He doesn't want us to suffer or dwell on being sad. Yes, I miss our dog every day, but we and everyone else who loved Jackie were so blessed to have such a great dog in our lives. The same was true of my grandfather Carl and Lindsey's grandfather Bob. The number one thing that we keep going to is that we are so blessed. There is so much suffering in this world and Sin is the cause. God doesn't want us to suffer; many people think that it is His doing, but it's not. We choose to do things our own way all of the time. We are the cause for these problems, not God.

Another thing that has had the potential to really mess with my head is feelings of guilt. It could be so easy for me to torture myself thinking what if I had done this, or what if I'd changed this or anything like that. The reality of it is that it was part of God's plan and it could have happened any other way. Maybe He was sparing us from something else. Who am I to say when the right time for anything to die is? I have no say in the matter. There is nothing we can do to change the past anyway. We trust that God has a plan for us and that this is part of it.

Our suffering has really opened our eyes to the world around us. I never realized how poorly I am at comforting others. I think a main reason for that was that I had never really suffered. I have had deaths in my family before, though I was younger, but losing my grandfather and Lindsey's grandfather and then Jackie really rocked my world. Jackie's death has been so tough because she was with me everyday. I never wanted to give her up. I wanted to protect her and enjoy her and I was very selfish with her. Now that she's gone, it is lonelier without her, but we can remember how we'd laugh and kiss her and play and snuggle with her. I feel that I understand why people are so heart-broken now. I know that when I went to work for the first time, and even after a week of going, my mind was on Jackie. I was preoccupied and sad. How many people do I encounter everyday that are going through something similar. I used to think that people were a certain way because they were jerks, but now I realize that everyone is dealing with something and it's affecting them. Even people who seem fine on the outside have issues that they are dealing with. We all do. This experience has really opened my eyes to this and how simply loving someone by smiling at them, talking to them or asking them how they are helps to comfort them.

Our church, ACAC, had been doing a series on the Grace of Giving. I'm sure there will be a post about it later, as I am reading the book Money, Possessions and Eternity by Randy Alcorn right now and would love to tell you what I've learned from it as well. I really felt convicted from something Pastor Rock said in one of the sermons. He made a point that most of us have never had to trust God because we have plenty. I really wanted to "have to" trust God and thought that it was going to be a monetary issue that I would have to trust God for. It is very possible that I will have to trust God for a monetary issue in the future, but through this situation, I have had to trust completely in Christ. It's so typical that I would be sure that something would happen one way and God says, "nice try, how about this instead!" When you pray to have to trust God, God puts you in a situation where you have to trust Him; He doesn't just give you the ability to trust Him.

We read a book called Soul Cravings, by Erwin McManus, while we were dealing with this. The book is absolutely incredible and filled with amazing insights to our souls. Along with this experience, the book helped us to realize how important community is. One thing that I feel God showed me is that I loved Jackie way more than I loved anyone I saw on the bus or at work or anywhere. I gave her so much of my love, while withholding love from others. God doesn't want that. If I could go back and love her the same as well as others, I would in an instant. I can't. I can love others around me like I should though. We were meant to be in a relationship with Jesus, and because of that relationship with Christ, we were meant to love others around us, unconditionally. I cannot do that on my own, but, "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength." (Phillipians4:13)

If there is one thing I know, it is that God is good and He is in control. I think that I understand His love more than I ever have because of this experience. I always saw Jackie as so pure and innocent. She was like my daughter. She loved me unconditionally. I loved her unconditionally as well. I would never, ever willingly allow her to suffer and die for anyone. I couldn't do it. But God did that with Jesus. He loves us so much that He suffered both as God the Father and Jesus. He took the pain and carried our Sin and as a Father, He watched as His Son suffered and died for people who hated Him. That is beautiful Love. That is why God is God. That is why I love God.

what is unseen is forever

2010-07-06T09:51:00.001-04:00

Someday we'll make semi-regular posts on here again. Until then, I'll leave you with this thought that God challenged me with last night:

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Cor 4:18

What happens in May...

2010-06-16T22:51:00.003-04:00

It's been so long since I have posted anything on here and it's not hard to see why. Life has been dynamic, to say the least, for the past few months, especially May. We had plans to write "full" posts about each event, but failed to find time to sit down and type up anything. So here I sit, on a Wednesday night, reminiscing about the past month and all that we did.

The marathon month of May started off with, well, the Pittsburgh Marathon. After a nice week of rest we had a few long weekends of traveling and spending time with family and friends. Lindsey's brother, Jake, graduated from Penn Tech, so we made the trip up to Johnstown, then to Williamsport with her family for the ceremony.

From there, we traveled to Alexandria, Va to visit my sister and her husband, RJ. While we were down in that area, we got to go see the Zac Brown Band, Collective Soul and OAR at the Preakness. We met our friends, AJ and Emily, there, as a surprise to AJ for his birthday. Despite the long, hot day, it was a ton of fun and great to see them.

AJ's plan was foiled when he tried to place a bet on Winkin' at the Girls, when he later found out that the horse was scratched for the race. The day was a long one, but we also hung around the Inner Harbor in Baltimore, then visited with some college friends in Arlington, before heading back to Alexandria for the night. The next day, we went to Old Town Alexandria with Kris and RJ and really enjoyed the beautiful weather, the gorgeous historic buildings and getting to spend time with them.

(Kris's reaction to something RJ said)

The next weekend was just as busy. It's auction season and Lindsey's dad is an auctioneer. We had been planning on working this auction for a few months, when we found out that Melissa soon-to-be Lennox's bridal shower was the same day! in Philly! 3+ hours away! We made it through the auction (almost to the end) and jetted off to Philly, to make it for cake! It was well worth it though, because we got to spend a great night with Jeff and Melissa. It was a lot of fun and we really missed them.

Did I mention that it was our 1st anniversary weekend?! (Our actual anniversary was on Monday) I had planned a trip to Niagara Falls as a surprise for Lindsey. We left early Sunday morning, from Philly, and arrived at our destination in the early afternoon. After surveying the sights quickly, we ate lunch. While we were getting ready to leave the restaurant, we were greeted by a familiar voice asking if they knew us...Lindsey's reaction was, "of course not! We're in Canada," but we actually did know them. It just so happened that Lindsey's cousin Tonya and her family were staying down the street from us. After our brief visit with family, we enjoyed our time at the Falls by going on the Maid of the Mist (highly recommend), walking along the parks next to the falls and enjoying the views and company.

(The Maid of the Mist is a must do)

We had a great anniversary and actually skipped class and work because I thought we had off for Memorial (which we did, but it was the next week!) and got another 4 day week out of my blunder. June is shaping up to be very busy, but hopefully we will keep you all updated on our endeavors and our new house!

While we were still sinners Christ died for us.

2010-05-20T10:54:00.003-04:00

As you may or may not know, Mike and I are in the process of buying our first house. We started months ago and I could write a book about the roller coaster experience it has been. God has molded our hearts and desires through the process and I couldn't be more thrilled that He has. We looked at at least 30+ homes (probably closer to 50). I want to sum up the whole experience but I really can't find a way to shorten it to any reasonable amount for a blog. So, I'm going to share the thing I feel most blessed to have learned through the process.

We were planning to make an offer on a our(!) house on a Sunday. We had been praying for guidance, wisdom and peace through the whole process. However, Sunday morning I woke full of worry and anxiety about making an offer. It was the first step toward real commitment to a house and I was having cold feet. So I prayed that God would show me that we were supposed to do this, if it was His will.

We went to church and even through worship I couldn't take my mind of my concerns about the house. In fact, I was annoyed with myself that I couldn't just focus on worship. I kept thinking about the basement of the house. I hated the basement. I thought about everything I didn't like about the basement - smelly, dark, cold, dungeon-like. I also thought about how we were getting the house for cheaper because it needed some work. I thought about how the owners could have done some cosmetic things to stage it and really boost the asking price of the house. I thought about all the HGTV shows I had watched about staging. I thought about how ridiculous staging is, that most buyers just look at surface things that are temporary or can easily be changed. I thought about how man looks at the surface - the outside, but God looks at the heart. Then I noticed the words I was singing of a worship song and then it all came together in my heart. God whispered and I was flooded with revelation and emotion.

He whispered that He sees everything in me. Not like when I would go look at a house. Early on I would be so put off by cosmetic things, but I was encouraged by Darby's perspective on renovations and began to be concerned more about high-cost structural issues. Still, I can't tell if the foundation is good or if there are leaks and no one can tell what will happen in the future to the roof, the furnace or the plumbing. But God knows. And not only does He know about a material house, but He knew about me.

He whispered to me that He saw me in my entirety. He saw my figurative basement, leaks, damage, foundation, roof and yet He still decided to invest in me. He didn't need me to be 'staged'. He chose to pay the ultimate price for a terrible-looking investment. He knew that I would need a ton of work. A lot of patience and perseverance. He knew and knows all that will happen, and still He wanted me. I was so completely humbled. I felt His overwhelming love and was so comforted that He is not like this world. Staging doesn't matter to Him. He sees the heart. He still decides to invest in us, paying the Greatest Price for us. I was overwhelmed with peace and knew this was the house for us. If He is already using it to make me feel His unconditional love, how much more can and will He use it to bring Him glory in the future. I was sold.

Cool Runnings

2010-05-06T21:34:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, something incredible happened. Mike. Ran. A. Marathon. That's 26.2 miles. Running. He ran it with our brother-in-law, R.J. The wives made signs:

Their goal was to run it in under 4 hours. They were going to stay with the 4hr pace team.

We dropped them off to walk 1/2 mile to the start and we waited at mile 2. Kris and Jo waited happily before the rain started.

Here were the leaders. They put the fastest runners at the beginning and it was awesome to see them fly by. After this a flood of runners came. Kris caught a glimpse of R.J., but in the rush of people they didn't see us and Jo and I didn't see them.

It started pouring right after they had run past us at mile 2. By the time we saw them at mile 16, they were fully drenched, but didn't look too exhausted.

At mile 20, they had slowed down a bit and were looking more fatigued. At this point, Mike was hurting and R.J. was going strong.

And of course, there were some characters, too. We also saw a man running in nothing but shorts and his number (no socks, shoes, etc.).

At mile 25, Mike was catching his second wind, while the miles were catching up to R.J..

Finally finished! They came in with a time of 3:54. Well under their 4 hour goal!

Melissa and Jeff came down to support Mike and watched them cross the finish line!

A reporter interviewed them. The article was published the next day.

Perhaps the hardest part was after, while climbing...

the...

stairs.

Icing the ol' knees...

I am so proud of him!

And, what better way to replenish those carbs burned by running (or watching and clapping) than with raspberry-filled cake?

Jackie was interested in the cake, too.

But sometimes I take too many pictures and then she likes to attack the papparazzi.

However, by dinner time, they both were sound asleep.

It was an eventful day and so exciting to watch what our created bodies are capable of and see perseverance and dedication pay off. Back in January, when Mike's training began, I admit I had my doubts. Now, I am so encouraged by his hard work and accomplishment. I feel so blessed to have witnessed it.

Savoring the savings

2010-04-27T13:30:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, we had Spinach and Artichoke Savorings as an appetizer at Mike's mom's house. They were delicious little savory bits that we thoroughly enjoyed.

This past weekend we were at GE in the frozen foods scouting for a frozen pizza and Mike spotted the Savorings. After we noticed they contained trans fats and decided that they were too expensive ($4.29 for 12), it hit me that we could make them healthier and for cheaper. I picked up the ingredients I didn't have, but passed on buying artichoke hearts because they weren't on sale and I was pretty sure I had some at home. Well turns out I didn't have them at home, so yes, the following recipe lacks a critical ingredient for their recreation. Oh well, here goes:

I used refrigerator biscuits for the base. I've historically had a love/hate relationship with refrigerator biscuits, because though I love them, they generally contain copious amounts of trans fats. Recently, I noticed that the GE generic brand doesn't contain trans fat [yay!], so that's what I used. I cut them in half through the height and made a thumb print in the middle to made a well.

Then I threw a bunch of stuff in a bowl: thawed and drained frozen spinach, mozzarella and parmesan cheese, lemon juice, mayo, hot sauce [yes that red stuff is hot sauce, i didn't cut my finger or anything, though it may appear that way], pepper, onion salt and garlic powder.

And mixed it up.

I spooned it into/onto the biscuits and topped with mozzarella cheese.

Then I baked them according to the directions for the biscuits. I was super impatient and kept checking them. Finally I stopped checking and went in the other room.

Then I got caught up watching TV and temporarily forgot I had them in the oven. When I remembered, I took them out and found were nicely golden brown on top, but too browned on the bottom. I wished I would have baked them slightly less.

Anyhow, they were actually fairly tasty and way cheaper. They do lack the artichoke flavor, however and adding artichokes would increase the price, though you wouldn't need to use a whole can of them.

The tab:

frozen spinach $1

refrig biscuits $.50

cheeses maybe $.50 worth?

mayo, lemon juice, spices $.50 worth at most

total: $2.50 for 20 (as opposed to $4.29 for 12)

plus - no trans fat and you could easily make 40 for another 50 cents

(all you would need is the biscuits, because I made an unreasonable amount of topping)

Maybe someday I'll get the courage to make these glorious appetizers.

Top Chef Tour, Bravo!

2010-04-25T23:38:00.006-04:00

Today Mike said he had something for us to do. So directly after church, he drove down to the strip and before we parked (I still didn't know what we were doing), I saw this:

I was like wait! Top Chef is here?!! I was psyched! It was first come, first serve for a demonstration and sampling so we parked and walked as fast as socially acceptable to the Top Chef tent. There was a line for autographs so I stood in it (why not right?) and we put our name on the wait list for the demo. I got autographed head shots and this photo with chefs Richard Blais and Eli Kirshtein:

Then we had about 5 mins to kill before the demo. Remember Lucy? Well, I have sad news. The restaurant that her stand was in front of was owned by her daughter. We heard this winter that the restaurant was sold so we feared Lucy would not be there anymore. Today we saw a stand in front of the restaurant with two men behind it. Since we had a few minutes, we crossed the street and went to the stand. We checked the sign out and decided to split a bahn mi. Mini review: The bahn mi contained all the same ingredients as Lucy's plus some orange-colored sauce that toned down the heat of jalapenos. The chicken was more tender and moist than Lucy's but the sauce used on it wasn't nearly as good. Overall, not as good as Lucy's and it was 50 cents more. Lucy where are you? Are you coming back to Pittsburgh? Can we get a standing Tuesday of bahn mis made for us? Oh, and we saw the two chefs chowing down on the bahn mis from the same stand before the demo.

Anyhow, though there were a ton of names on the wait list, we got in because many people weren't there. They made chicken sous-vide, lily bulb puree and broccoli gremolata/salsa. It was delish. The lily bulb puree was crazy good. Did I mention it was all free?! It was a fun little adventure. However, I do have one regret - I wish I would have known about it sooner so I could let you guys know!

The Big 3-0

2010-04-19T20:22:00.000-04:00

No, neither of us are close to turning 30. However, today my parents are celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary! I'm so thankful for you guys, your example, your honesty, your transparency. We look up to you and love you. Thanks for staying together thirty years. Amazing.

This photo was taken by the talented Anthony Barlich from our wedding. However, I edited them out of a group photo.

It's also my dear friend Brittany's birthday today! Happy 23, love!

Spring cooking

2010-04-18T20:32:00.002-04:00

I've been cooking up a storm lately. I think it may be because I'm more awake and more motivated because of the spring weather. For whatever reason, I've cooked more in the past few weeks than I have in months. I've been trying new recipes and two of them that I tried were fruit pizza and organic blue corn pancakes. One was delicious, the other not so much. Can you tell which was delish and which was a miss?

I'll give you a hint - Jackie was licking the air because of the smell of the fruit pizza.

I love me some...

2010-04-14T16:51:00.004-04:00

crazy love.

Like celebrating my birthday...

2010-04-02T10:33:00.001-04:00

Easter is like my birthday.

Did you ever think about how birthdays are ironic? Everyone celebrates the day of your birth. Surely it's because you're loved and the people in your life are glad you are alive. Yet, I didn't really have a thing to do with my birth. I didn't help out with the process. It wasn't because of me that I'm here. I really think that I should give my parents gifts on my birthday. My parents chose to have me when they didn't have to. My mom chose to carry me. They chose to feed me, change me, care for my needs and wants. They sacrificed their time, money and in a lot of ways, their lives to have me as their child.

Sometimes, I feel that there is a lack of joy that we should have with Easter. Yes, it is serious. The most serious thing in the world. I am brought to humble tears when I see what God sacrificed for me. Yet it is the greatest news I have ever heard in my whole life. Jesus chose to sacrifice all He had, all the comfort of heaven, to put on human flesh. He chose to submit to beatings. He chose to die. For me. For my sin. He chose to rise from the dead. To conquer sin. To loose my chains. To give me the chance at life. He sacrificed all of Himself, to the point of death so He could have me as His child. Through His sacrifice, I am given a new heart and life and I am so excited to celebrate what He has done.

Easter is like my birthday and to Jesus be all the celebration.

A lesson from a five and a half year old

2010-03-26T12:26:00.011-04:00

On my way back from lunch today, walking on the pedestrian bridge from the Eye and Ear institute to UPMC Presby, I noticed a little boy running ahead of his mom. He was flying as fast as his little legs would take him, until he stopped in his tracks, pointed out the window and squealed in delight. "Look Mom, a crane!" he exclaimed.

My heart melted and two thoughts immediately came to my head. The first - I wish it was slightly more socially acceptable to squeal and exclaim things loudly, no matter the location, when you're excited as an adult. And the second thought - I love that he was delighted to see a crane. A huge, ugly crane. He didn't hold all the thoughts I associate with a crane [construction, loud noises, delays, inconvenience, changed route, eye sore]. Not at all. He loved the crane. I loved his innocence. His pure delight.

I want to enjoy the crane too.

Like yesterday is gone....like Al Pacino's cash

2010-03-19T11:46:00.060-04:00

It's been a while. Almost a month. Do you know why I haven't posted? I haven't wanted to. I just haven't felt like it. I haven't had anything great to post - so I thought, why post anything at all?

However, I recently have been reading this amazing woman's blog. And despite her beautiful photos, family, crafts, recipes and renovations she says this:
"I will also remind you this a BLOG, this is NOT a full real life account, but merely a tiny glimpse into our life. We don’t sit around craft, bake and smile for pictures all day long. We do strive to glorify God but fail miserably and recognize our deep need of a Savior."

I love her honesty. Because lately, I've been bitter toward blogging. The more other blogs I read, the more I [subconsciously at first] compared my own cooking, photos, activities, crafts, creativity, apartment, blog, life... to them. I've felt that my life isn't as glamorous as theirs. I'll never have the skill they do with baking. I'm not as witty as they are. I'll never have a house as beautiful and put together as theirs. I'll never....I won't...me, me, me. Let me tell you kids, that is terrible and dangerous. I didn't see it coming either, I would just read along, enjoy the photos and such...never really realizing the lies I was buying into. Satan's whisper's are so effective and I went right along with it. The reality of it is - blogs are generally NOT real life accounts. I think the more beautiful the blog, the more surreal it becomes. Because life isn't beautiful. It's full of messes, sadness, brokenness, craziness, broken plans, ruined recipes, expenses, taxes, traffic....etc. But who wants to blog about that? Who wants to read about that? It's like watching movies that are so like real life that at the end, you're just depressed. It makes me sick that I've compared myself with everyone else I see. There are so many things wrong with that. I am called to look to God alone. Everything here is temporal anyhow. All the worldly things I can chase after will be gone. All of it. So, I'm sorry for focusing on myself and my lack of worldly points. Don't get me wrong - I don't think it's bad to blog about the beautiful things in life or to have passion for crafts, baking, photography, fashion, etc. There is a lot of value in sharing, identifying, entertaining and enjoying things in life. However, keeping score on how I measure up is wrong. I'm sorry. After all my purpose is not to be the wittiest or to be the best at everything or to have the most glamorous life. Instead, "I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." Acts 20:24

Independent of Us

2010-02-21T18:58:00.013-05:00

Today we decided to try ACAC again. Pastor Rock Dillaman spoke about grace and I don't know about you, but I can never hear about grace too much.

One particular illustration he used to demonstrate God's unconditional love was in the relationship of a parent and child. An unconditionally loving parent doesn't say to their child, "Listen I need you to behave, because if you don't, I won't be able to love you." What a loving parent would say is "I want you to behave because I love you. Because it is what's best for you." It's a simple enough illustration, but it caused me to think about my relationship with God - I falsely get caught up in the 'behaving' seemingly because I desire His favor. I foolishly think that my actions change His view of me. If that was true - there would be no grace at all - and no salvation in Christ. But His unconditional favor, His never-ending love, His stubborn compassion - that is what salvation is based on. Otherwise, why would Jesus die for us? He did not come to earth, die, and rise again because we were to take on the heavy burden of work to earn God's favor. No. God was already in love with us - that is why He sent His Son to die for us - to be with us, uninhibited. His love is completely independent of us yet we are the object of it. It is nothing like this world. We need only to accept His grace, salvation and truth and let Him lead us - not take on another set of rules to obey.

I can't get over His amazing grace and I never want to.

Roasted

2010-01-31T13:44:00.051-05:00

Mike and I are nowhere near vegetarians, (our dine-out choice: Five Guys) yet lately we've been craving the green (and red and yellow...) goodness. Mike is in love with Mexican food, and he noticed a recipe for roasted vegetable tacos on the back of the taco seasoning box that seemed simple and sounded delicious, so we decided to forgo meat for a night and try it:

First, I chopped up a variety of veggies (the recipe said 5-6 cups, I didn't measure though). We used zucchini, red peppers, yellow squash and onion.

Then we added a packet of taco seasoning and I think 1/4 c of oil. It ended up being too much oil, 1/8c would have been enough.

We mixed it all up and spread it on a baking sheet and into the 450 degree oven.

In the meantime, the recipe directed us to mix together a can of refried beans (fat free please, because they mix lard into the not fat free kind, woof) with about a 1/4c salsa. The mixture looked especially un-appetizing.

By this time, Jackie and I were smelling the roasted veggies...

...and getting hungry.

So she got her dinner...

...and I snacked on the delicious, gross-looking beans/salsa mixture.

Back to work... I spread the mixture into taco shells and put them on foil and baked them for 5 mins in the toaster oven.

We pulled the veggies out of the oven after about 25 mins, when they were slightly brown.

Then we filled the toasted shells with the vegetables and cheddar cheese...

...and chowed down. They were very flavorful! I adore what roasting does for vegetables. They were a refreshing change from our normal dinners. If I could eat this everyday as a vegetarian, I might just think about conversion...then again these tacos would be fantastic with bacon.

Psalm

2010-01-22T15:36:00.034-05:00

Lately I've been reading Psalms. I have read them many times before, but literally every time I do, I am amazed at the psalmists' honesty with God. They are so real, so honest, so raw and emotion-filled. They are full of passion, burden, angst, love and joy. They are so beautiful.

I've been so full of emotion lately. I've been anxious, insecure, sad and broken. There is nothing that compares with the Psalms in God's Word. I love the song "Light" by Bryce Avary (ok, despite fear of becoming a Rocket Summer-tribute blog, I'm going to talk about him again) from his recent EP. It's genuine-ness reminds me of the Psalms. I love the surrender declared in it. It's the cry of my heart. Some of the lyrics:

I'm old enough to know that time doesn't move slow enough
I'm young enough to know that I can never be too old enough to trust You
Higher (and higher)
I want to go away with You
Some say Your fire (Your fire)
Is through
But I don't wanna think that way

I am Yours, do what You wish
I am Yours, I am Yours and I know this
Whatever happens next is in Your hands, in Your plans
Nothing less
In everything there is a choice
Through the joy, through the pain I will rejoice
I am Yours, do what You wish
I am Yours, I am Yours and I know this

Save me, 'cause I need it
And I can't help but feel desperate
My desires seem to be coming to their endings
But I will trust it's not the end
But a great beginning

What is brown, reddish and purplish all over?

2010-01-18T23:08:00.009-05:00

My hair!

Courtesy of the talented Amelia Clawson (of M&M's Hair Design, Johnstown, PA).

-Lindsey

Intriguing Question

2010-01-15T17:44:00.000-05:00

Lindsey and I went to ACAC for the first time a few weeks ago, and I was blown away by something that was said there. I don't remember the exact wording of it, but what I took away from it was, what would the world look like if every "Christian" was like me? I thought it was a great way to start off the new year, by reflecting on my life and whether or not I was living for Christ or just living a worldly life as a "Christian".

Honestly, over the past weeks I wanted to wrestle with this question a ton, but I have really just not been thinking about it. (major tangent here) I have a major problem with being complacent and not looking inwardly at myself, my problems and struggles. I have a hard time talking about my problems and I have pretty much come to realize that it is a two-fold problem.

The first thing is that I don't think about my feelings most of the time. I don't know why that is. I think that I want to believe that if I am not experiencing anything terrible in my life or am not just in a terrible mood, there is no need for me to dig deeper and ask myself how I am doing. That's not a good thing to do, by the way. We need to constantly be evaluating our situations, or at least, understand how we are doing spiritually, mentally and physically. Men have a hard time with this. I have had classes where we discussed how men are so disconnected with their bodies, ie. "since I go to the gym, I am healthy (even though I eat hot wings 3 times a week) and don't need to get a check-up". But I have really come to realize how disconnected from my feelings I am. Problems definitely arise from this, mostly in my relationships. I tend to go into a shell and not communicate with Lindsey, or my friends and most importantly with Christ.

The other part of my two-fold problem involves me not wanting to be vulnerable. I have been thinking about this a lot, as we mentioned before in the post about vulnerability. I think that we, as Christians, hold ourselves to a higher standard and hold each other to higher standards as well. This is a good and a bad thing. I have been guilty of looking down on a brother or sister in Christ if I see that they "mess up". I look down on myself when I struggle with things as well. These two things do a number on my heart because for one, they can make me bitter at others and at myself and they can also make me not want to talk to others about what's going on with me, for fear of being looked down on again. In reality, I just need to have a loving heart, try to encourage others when they are struggling, not look down on anyone because we all make mistakes and struggle with different things, but most importantly, take things to Christ as well as talk to others for support and encouragement. I have found that it was much easier for me to admit to my sin as a new Christian than as one for 8 years because I felt like I had an excuse before, but now I don't. That was the wrong way to think about it. Now I know that my sin has no power over me and I am a new creation. Yes, I can falter, but that doesn't change the fact that Christ lives in me and I have a good heart.

This post has gone in a totally different direction than I originally intended it to, but it is good that I am actually thinking and expressing myself. (I need to write a song) I want to go back to the original thought...What would the world look like if every Christian was like me? Would kids hear about Christ? Would people in other countries know that Jesus died for them? Would we have prayer warriors? Who would lead churches and Bible studies? What would it be like? I think it is an important thing to think about and be aware of. I think it really puts my life into perspective.

Pros and Cons of Winter Weather

2010-01-04T14:18:00.052-05:00

Cons:
-waiting for the bus is shockingly less pleasant
-getting bread to rise in our 60 degree apartment has become impossible (that's my excuse at least)
-the heating bill for our 60 degree apartment - yikes!
-shoveling snow and cleaning off the car can get old (or so I've heard...)
-Lucy is gone for the winter!
-since we track in snow, I can't tell if Jackie had an accident or if it's melted snow

Pros:
-you can leave groceries in the car for extended periods of time
-outdoor ice skating
-wearing a ridiculous amount of layers is acceptable (this pro is also a con - lots of layers = less motivation to work out - ugh.)
-all hot beverages are suddenly more enjoyable
-the snow is really beautiful

Happy Winter!

-Lindsey

December Recap

2010-01-02T12:49:00.066-05:00

There were so many festivities this past month that I'm going to use few words and many pictures...

The first snowfall we witnessed at my parents' house (the day after Thanksgiving, not technically December...but close enough)

Matt, Mike's brother, decorating Mike's Mom's Christmas tree

Our first Christmas tree together!

Jackie was thoroughly freaked out by the new tree at first....

but after the addition of the tree skirt, it became her favorite lounge spot.

Christmas celebration with Mike's family....

Kris was very excited about flannel sheets!

I love this picture of Mike's aunt Maria.

Emily and AJ came from Philly to visit on the snowiest weekend of December. It was so good to see them!

The makings of some fantastic crab cakes by Mike's mom, Jo, on Christmas eve.

Getting married this year made for some no-brainer (yet time consuming!) Christmas gifts.

Jo surprised at her book!

Jackie is a spoiled grand-doggie.

After receiving squeaker toys from relatives, Jackie proceeded to squeak them until her audience was fully annoyed by the sound. She's limited to 5 minutes of play time with squeakers now.

Christmas morning! Santa brought Jackie something!

Her with her new bed, blanket and stuffed dog toy.

Mike and his presents.

There were many meats for Christmas at my parent's house. Tur-duc-hen stuffed with cajun cornbread stuffing (delicious)...

and prime rib stuffed with whole garlic.

Christmas present opening with my family...

Mike got a 12 string guitar!

It was all too much for Jackie.

The day after Christmas - more meat! Pork roast with kielbasa. (Plus there was hot and sweet sausage and a ham)

Best lasagna ever.

Adorable photo of my Aunt Amy and cousin Dave.

My pap, his hair will not be controlled, it just won't.

I share my nose with my grandma - who turned 89 this month!

My aunt and cousin's son both accidentally dressed fashionably similarly.

Back to Pittsburgh... Mike's grandfather was rockin' the Santa beard.

Jackie loves Mike's dad, Carl.

Onto New Year's Eve...Mary loved her New Year's Eve date- A1... and we all loved the free appetizers we got!

Mark and Laura on their first New Years together!

Alan has a lot more hair than the guy behind him...

Courtney and Dustin showed us a fun game on New Years, but it got a little heated...

Lowe was killing the charades part of the game

Rachel was NOT talking about grenades...

Jay trying his best to act out "Grinder Girl"

The ladies and their fun masks

The guys showing their true colors

This was the last picture taken in 2009.

What a great year!

-Lindsey

Connection

2009-12-29T17:22:00.073-05:00

In our bodies there are constantly millions of connections happening. Tons of communication. There's communication within and between various systems and communication between the same and different cell types. If even one type of communication is stopped, there are immediate physiological consequences. Cell death is often the outcome. With out communication within our bodies there would be no life whatsoever.

There are various psychological experiments (most historical and unethical) that show the deep need for connection. Various experiments show that both human and animal infants desperately need love and connection. I heard of one experiment in which two groups of infants were treated differently. For one group, only physical needs were met, while the other group's physical needs were met as well as they were loved and played with. All infants that lacked extra love and attention failed to thrive, were ill and some died, while those who were loved were healthy and thrived.

Personally, I feel a lack of life when there is a lack of connection with others in my life. The approximate 8 hours a day I spend in isolation at work feel like they are draining the life right out of me - not because of the labor itself - but because of the isolation. Furthermore, Jackie (our Jack Russel Terrier), is the most excited that she ever gets when we come home from work after she has spent the day alone. She longs for attention and love from us. In fact, as I type this she is staring me down to get me to throw a toy for her to retrieve.

I think it's obvious we all need connection with others. But here's the bad news - I've noticed that there is a serious lack of connection between people. Yes, we talk about our jobs, our travels, our schedules, our families, etc. - yet how often do we willingly talk about our hearts? Surely I am guilty of this. The reality of it is that Satan loves it. Satan loves self-preservation. He loves for us to hold back and wall our true selves off from others. He whisper lies to tempt us into self-consciousness, to spark fears of rejection and to further isolate our hearts from others and especially from God. I think that isolation creates conflict within ourselves and with others. When I think about conflict I've had with others, it was often because I was focused on my own self-preservation and was unwilling to be truly vulnerable and express my heart. Satan absolutely loves disharmony within us and between us. When I was in the darkest part of my life, I felt a lack of connection in my heart with anyone and that is where Satan whispered lies to tempt me to end my life itself.

Didn't Jesus come to give us life? And if Satan loves isolation, wouldn't that mean Jesus hates it? Didn't Jesus come to destroy the isolation and be connected with us? He came to destroy the sin that stood between us and Him. To be in a relationship with us, to be in our hearts, to be fully connected with us.

I've been thinking of Christ's example of His initiation to make a connection with us and the different aspects of it. Here are some thoughts I had on it:

Vulnerability - He was completely humble and vulnerable. He made the effort to sacrifice His whole self and life just to be with us - leaving the option up to us as to whether we would reject Him or not. He was rejected by man and separated from His Father when He took our sin, just so we could have a chance to be with Him. He knew He'd be rejected and yet came and died for us anyway. He was vulnerable despite rejection for our sake. (Romans 5:8)

Love - Not only is He vulnerable, but He loves us despite our rejection of Him. He doesn't become bitter and wall Himself off when we reject Him. Instead, He waits, longing for us to come home. (Luke 15:11-32)

Sacrifice - It was such a tremendous sacrifice for God to give His only Son to suffer and die for us. I haven't had a child yet, and I still can't imagine the sacrifice it would be to give up one's son to die. Amazingly, Jesus went, not dutifully, but I believe willingly, passionately, knowing full well that He was destroying sin's power and bridging the gap between us and God. I believe that's why He could pray for His accusers' forgiveness. (Luke 23:34)

My point is, I think to truly live is to share your heart. I'm not saying I've figured this out and do it all the time, if even often. Yet, I know that the times I've felt most alive is when I am not self-conscious, when I'm not agreeing with Satan that I should focus on self-preservation and when I am being fully real with those around me. It's tough though. We all have deep wounds and places in our hearts where we wall off even ourselves. There are things people say or don't say that seem to scrape the wounds open again and there is such a strong temptation to wall off that part of our hearts and potentially that person. Mike and I have been talking about this and how it is even possible to be vulnerable in life. Here's some things we've thought about it: It's impossible to not be hurt in life. It's going to happen, it happened to Jesus - He knew even His close friend Peter would deny Him before others (Luke 22:34). I think the most valuable thing we can do when we are hurt is to take our pain to Christ and to consciously reject the lies Satan tells us. I know when I have been deeply hurt and ran to my Father is when I have experienced the deepest intimacy with Him. What Satan intends for evil, God can use for good.

-Lindsey

The Banh Mi Project

2009-12-16T16:57:00.048-05:00

Disclaimer: This is an Italian boy's and German/Irish girl's first foray into Vietnamese cuisine, so please bear with us on this.

A few months ago, Mike's coworker brought in a hoagie (look at me, forsaking my "sub" roots) for Mike to try. Mike brought it to lunch with me, we tried it and an addiction was born. This wonderful hoagie is called a Banh Mi. It is a Vietnamese sandwich with a French influence. This may not be new to many of you, but it was brand new to us. Mike's coworker bought them from Lucy, a Vietnamese woman with a grill on the sidewalk in the strip district. So we got Banh Mi's once a week for lunch when Mike's coworker would go to the strip. However, once a week was not enough for us, and we went down to the strip on Saturdays to get the delicacy. So by the time Mike and I had developed a full-blown addiction to these wonders, Lucy, like a bird flying to a better climate for the winter, packed up and left Pittsburgh to go to Vietnam until next spring.

Within a week, Mike and I tried to make our own Bahn Mi's at home. We didn't have quite all the right ingredients, but our first attempt came close, kind of like getting a RC cola when you want a real Coke-a-Cola. Anyhow, our cravings continued to grow and we decided to commit whole-heartedly to the project (also, a fortuitous break came when Mike's coworker gave us the same sauce Lucy uses). And so, here we go...our second attempt at creating a Bahn Mi....

First step - pickling carrots and daikon:

Peeled and shredded 1/2 lb carrots and daikon...

Added rice vinegar, salt and sugar to hot water...

And poured over shredded carrot and daikon in a jar. We let it sit 1 hour.

During that time, we washed and cut mini pickling cucumbers, red onion and fresh cilantro.

Then Mike pan seared the cut boneless marinaded chicken thighs...

and cut the French Bread...

Finally, assembly - first layer: chicken, brushed with extra sauce...

added the onion...

then the cucumbers...

then the pickled carrot and daikon...

finally, the cilantro.....

Tada! It looks successful....but how does it taste?

Delicious! Admittedly, there needs to be some fine-tuning and probably some lessons in Vietnam before they're up to Lucy's, but still much better than RC cola.

-Lindsey