Fired to Freedom

I think that I was born small because my brain burns more calories than the average human. Not saying that I'm exceptionally smart, just that my brain never stops. I can be completely exhausted at the end of the day just because of how far my brain has run in that time. Are you like this?

I have to process things for a long time. My brain cranks away on something non-stop until it has figured it out, found an answer, or my heart has told it to let it go. Tonight I've been sitting here astonished at where my life is. I can't believe how much time has flown by while my mind and heart have been slaving away at the task of understanding, growing and becoming. August seems like yesterday. Reality gave me a slap this weekend though, when we discovered that the sweet 8 week old August puppy was now an 8 month old capable of being a mamma dog. I just can't believe it's been that long. Six months. Half a year.

I feel like it was yesterday, yet I can't imagine the life I was living six months ago. It feels like a lifetime ago. I don't even know how to start on all the stuff He has taught me since then. Praise God, He has moved so much in my heart. Cleaned parts out. Dusted stuff off. Kindled a fire that was formerly smoldering embers. I am in awe that I get to live every day of my life. I have been more humble, more thankful and more honored to be in Him than I ever have before. I am more aware that I need Him, more aware of my need to be changed and more aware that there is so much in me still that I'm not even aware of yet. He has deepened my perspective, my propensity for vulnerability and my trust in Him. I've seen things that I've never seen in His word before. How great and awesome is He?

All this to say, all praise, all honor, all my boasting be to Christ and His great work. Though I am talking about such a trivial worldly matter, He saw fit to use it to demolish strongholds in me that I wasn't even aware of. He used it to show me how to rest in Him instead of fighting to control my life. He brought freedom.


" He[Jesus] went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. He stood up to read, and the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written:
    “The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
   because he has anointed me
   to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
   and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
   to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.''  //Luke 4:16-19

Speaking of time going by, when did I get to be 9 years older than high school kids??!!! 

Love for my city

Let's get something out of the way right now - this blog has been pathetic lately, I know. I'm sorry. Moving on...

I just returned from the Strip district after driving around for 45 minutes looking for a parking space before I called it quits. I had many thoughts during the time I was driving - Do I trust myself to parallel park if I find a spot? Where did all these people come from? Is that guy going to open his car door and hit me? Is Lawrenceville too far to walk from? ....But one I had when I finally decided to leave was - Well done, Pittsburgh. I'm glad to see thousands of people out, dropping bank, in the Strip district (which is mostly locally-owned shops) no less. I've noticed I've been cheering on Pittsburgh in a lot of things lately - seeing God's hand moving in it, selling out home games when other cities struggle to do so, the rebuilding of the Northside, and the various movie filmings here with this being the most profound:

I've always been attracted to Pittsburgh. We first met when I was young and I would visit family. I remember leaving Mt. Lebanon at night and coming back through the Fort Pitt tunnel to have my breath taken away by the beautiful city on my way home. One summer when I was young, I stayed with family and I spent a week in Pittsburgh. It was one of the best weeks of my life. But it was kind of an on-again-off-again relationship until Mike and I decided to move back here after getting married. Pittsburgh and I had a fresh start. I fell in love - exploring and getting to know Pittsburgh in a different way than I ever had before. It was there everyday - the beautiful, the shiny, the rundown, the historic, the traffic. I knew things were getting serious when about a year and a half ago I was approached by cult members in Oakland, pushing propaganda. After talking with them, I had the thought - heck no, not in my city. This possessive and protective nature surprised me. It was then that I realized how deep I was in. We bought our house around the same time and have settled into a potential long-term relationship with Pittsburgh.  I don't know where it will lead in the future, but even if we have to part ways, Pittsburgh will always have a part of my heart.

Excited!

I have something I'm excited, yet very nervous to share, but here it is. I've made a separate blog dedicated only to cakes/pastries I've done. This is just a quick place for photos before I actually have a business, yes, a legit business, going and a website. Anyhow, there are some new cakes on there that haven't been seen here, so head over and enjoy!

The hardest place to look

I think it's easy to for me to look to today, the right now, what I have to get done today and prepare for tomorrow. It's easy for me to look to the future, how what I'm doing now prepares us for this month, the next coming season, the next year, the rest of our lives. It's easy for me to look to the past, the things I've screwed up, what I've done well and how to learn from that.

The hardest place for me to look -- eternity. I was hit with this truth when reading 1 Cor 9:24-27 this morning. 

1 Cor 9:24-27 -
 ²⁴ Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. ²⁵ Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. ²⁶ Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. ²⁷ No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

 I struggle against training for a crown that will not last. So often, I pour myself into the temporary without any sight of the eternal, yet I do desire the crown that will last forever. I know that this can only be accomplished by looking to, investing in, and believing that the One who is eternal is true. I struggle against the BIG LIE that God is not who He says He is, that He isn't love. But I am such a fool to ever believe that. I have undeserving witnessed in my own life over and over that He is who He says He is - LOVE. I can't look to eternity without looking to the one who wrote eternity and believing that He is trustworthy and moves out of love for me. I want Paul's perspective in this life:

1 Philippians 4:12-13
¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

What kind of dog is she? A Pitbull?...

I have always been a dog lover. I always wanted a dog when I was growing up. When I got to "adopt" Jackie during my senior year at JC, I quickly realized that 8 year old Mike was right in wanting a dog, because they are a ton of fun, they love unconditionally and are adorable. When Jackie died a little over a year ago, it rocked our world. Over time and prayer, we entered into a new phase of our marriage of not having a dog. It was actually nice to not have the extra responsibility and to not have to be home right after work to let the dog out, but eventually, the time came where we were both ready for a new dog.

I thought that it would be cool to get a bigger dog this time around. A boxer, perhaps, would be the next dog in the Tolino household...But then I saw how beautiful the American Staffordshire Terrier was on the National Dog Show on Thanksgiving and I was smitten. I started to do some research on the breed and really felt like it was the dog for us.

I started at Hello Bully and found out a lot of the stereotypes about Pitbulls were just not true. It really made me feel for these loving dogs. We thought about adopting a younger Pit, but the experiences we had made us a little nervous. After months of debating and talking to people about the breed, we decided we wanted to a puppy. That way, we would be able to control how the dog was raised, love it and train it the right way.

Long story short, we found an awesome couple in Ohio who bred their two family pits together and we fell in love with Macie.

Reasons why we chose a Pitbull:

-They are loving, loyal dogs

-They are beautiful, athletic dogs

-They are smart and want to please us

-We like their size (medium height and weight, muscular)

-We wanted to show people that Pitbulls aren't dangerous, mean dogs

The list could go on and on, but the reality of it is that dogs are dogs.

They will treat people how they have been treated.

A small dog can be much worse than a large dog. We don't discriminate.

We love Macie and want her to be a blessing to others.

I hope you get to meet her some day.

Here are some pics of our little sweetheart!

Besides being cute, she's super smart and loves affection. Next time you see a pitty walking by,

don't judge it without knowing it. Good advice for people too!

Relevancy

Yesterday, at church, the worship leader gave an introduction to a hymn about the woman who wrote it and the inconceivably hard times in her life. As we began to sing the song, the words resounded in my heart and I was flooded with peace of His supremacy. Nothing is ever more relevant than Him. He has woven eternity and the desire for Him through the hearts of all throughout history, so that a hymn written long ago by a woman who experienced far worse in her life than I have, can be totally relevant to my heart today. It really is an incredible miracle, that the Bible, written so long ago, from men's hands that couldn't even fathom what the world is like today, is totally relevant to my heart, right now, in the land of iphones and skyscrapers. It's of course, no mystery why this is. Time and history is irrelevant to our need for God, our desire for truth and love and relationship and wholeness in Him.  He is the most relevant, needed, essential, vital component of this world. His incredible depth and mystery never ceases to amaze me. My need for him will never cease.

Ever Faithful

Meet Macie Grey. Puppy extraordinaire. More on why we got a pitbull later...for now, me:

So much has changed this past month, I feel like I'm still playing catch-up. My heart has been rocked and I am given the foreign task of having time to pick through the places of my heart I have easily walled off during busier times. 

It's been difficult to discern what is actually going on in that tumultuous place in my chest. More and more I am being challenged, asked, invited if I want to be in that place of complete surrender, complete commitment to what He has for me. Or do I want to pursue what has been invested in me to pursue - comfort and security. It's not like pursuing it ensures it even. Anything can and has come and blindsided my security, my comfort. 

Now my life is different. Yet, I'm so humbly blessed. I feel so incredibly loved by all of you - yes, you. For not loving me conditionally. For not putting my worth on what I produce, but who I am. I appreciate that. I, somewhat illogically, expected your disappointment and disowning me. So, if I haven't told you yet, thanks.

If I have learned only two things this past month, it is this: He cares about my completeness, not my comfort. And He is ever faithful to me.